


Today is tomorrow in reverse

by lapetitchou



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Cats, Comm exchange 2018, Fishing MJ, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-13
Updated: 2018-12-13
Packaged: 2019-09-17 19:13:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 32,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16980204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lapetitchou/pseuds/lapetitchou
Summary: Every autumn, Jun watches a man spend his time painting the rose bushes near their store. But something changes this year because the artist finds something more interesting inside the store as subject of his work.





	Today is tomorrow in reverse

**Author's Note:**

  * For [leiva21 (leiva)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/leiva/gifts).



### (197) I hope you learn the difference between giving up and changing directions. *

   
The first time Jun saw him was fall two years ago. The rose bushes were in full bloom along the sides of the tram tracks and he just stood there, looking at the blooms, every day, for three hours. No, he didn’t just stand there, Jun corrects himself. He was painting the roses. And the people that passed by. And the tram. And the sky. Sometimes he painted the birds who stayed long enough to be drawn. Jun understood that yes, the roses were beautiful. There were shades of orange, yellow and red and they were lovely. But he couldn’t imagine how someone could stay still for so long doing the same thing, every day. He stood there with his back slightly hunched, seemingly unmoving until it was time to get a different brush, just like the old man who lived two blocks away. And that’s how Jun started calling him Old Man.

The next fall, Old Man also came every day, for three hours, painting the same rose bushes, but now with different blooms. Jun saw him from his perch behind the display cabinets of their daifuku store. It was actually his grandparents’ daifuku store. Jun’s grandparents built the store four decades ago, and while the town has changed around it, Matsumoto Sweets and Daifuku has remained the same. Save for the little water damage here and there, and the bent countertops and the mossy roofs, most things were unchanged. Like the sweetness of the red bean paste Obaachan made every night. And the soft, chewy mochi he helped his Ojiichan make. And the tea they served to their customers while they waited for their sweets to be wrapped. 

And like the town, his grandparents also changed. Years had changed their bodies. Standing for longer than an hour made their knees and backs ache. This year, all of the work in the store now falls mostly on Jun. 

Jun started out helping for just a couple of days every week. His parents and older sister would take turns in the store on weekdays and Jun would take over during the weekends. But his sister got married, got pregnant, and is now taking care of her young baby girl. His father had what his mother likes to call a “mid-life crisis”, quit his job and started travelling around the world to write articles for travel blogs. His mother took it surprisingly well, too well in fact, because she started fostering cats and kittens in their home the day after his father flew to Nepal. By Jun’s last count, she had two pregnant queens, four neutered adults waiting to be adopted and six bottle-fed kittens she’s fostering for their local shelter.

Which brings Jun to the present. This isn’t exactly what he had in mind when he entered a cooking school. But he felt too strongly that he couldn’t just let Matsumoto Sweets and Daifuku fade away with his grandparents.

And so, when his grandparents formally turned over the operations of the store to him earlier this year, Jun had the place renovated along with adding something new to what they were offering. He put tables and chairs where there used to be nothing but concrete ground. Now people can choose to stay and chat as they enjoy their tea or coffee with the traditional sweets. He had a door built and an air conditioner/heater installed, so that people would feel cozy any season of the year. 

A quarter of the expenses came from Jun’s savings. Another quarter came from the store’s profits, while the rest came from a bank loan. Jun had been so worried with the gamble he made. But the make-over seems to have worked, because their profits are up by thirty percent from around the same time last year and they almost always have a steady stream of customers during the morning and afternoon rush. 

“Two red bean daifuku, please,” comes an all too familiar voice.

“That would be 300 yen,” Jun says, reaching his hand out, palm up, which is very rude but then again, this is Nino. Nino expects Jun to be rude. 

“Oh come on Jun-pon! What are friends for?” 

“This is work Nino. You already owe this store 3000 yen. That is 3000 yen that could have gotten the crooked counter fixed a long time ago.” Jun stretches his hand closer to Nino, eyes unblinking, and internally rejoices when he sees Nino reach into his pockets for some lose change. 

“You’re never going to get laid with that attitude of yours, J.” Nino reaches over and drops a few coins on Jun’s hand, and laughs his all too annoying laugh when he sees Jun’s disappointed face.

“You know, 65 yen won’t even get you a bottle of water at the conbini,” Jun huffs under his breath as he puts the coins away. For all his complains, Jun still wraps each daifuku carefully and puts them in a small simple box and seals it with stickers with the store’s name on it.

“You are too kind, Jun-pon,” Nino says gratefully as he accepts the box and carefully puts it inside his bag. 

Jun ignores his comment and starts to idly wipe the already clean display top. “Aren’t you a bit early for work today?” 

“I decided to pass by early so I can watch you watch your Old Man paint.” 

“He is not my Old Man and I do not watch him. And don’t call him Old Man out loud. That’s rude!” 

Nino laughs his annoying laugh again, loud enough to get said Old Man’s attention. The man shifts his feet slightly and tilts his head a bit so that Jun can see the side of his rounded cheek, the rest of his face shadowed by the bill of his cap. Not that Jun has seen the rest of his face, but he thinks he has a rather interesting face. 

“You’re staring, Jun,” Nino says as he muffles his laugh at the crook of his arm. 

Jun shifts his eyes to Nino and feigns nonchalance. “I am not staring. I just looked, like most people would do if they see someone standing over rose bushes for hours, every single day of autumn.” 

“And why are you still here?” Jun continues, “You’re going to miss the tram and then you’ll be late. I don’t want your boss calling me again.” Jun crosses his arms and gives Nino a pointed look.

“That was one time Jun and it was for a very important reason.” It was a fateful day in summer when Nino delivered some files to their company’s partner office and was not heard from for two days. Turns out, Nino bought an old PS game on sale and finished the game in one and a half days and then slept the rest of the second day. 

“Yes. Sure. Very important. Now scoot.” Jun makes some shooing hand movements. “The tram arrives in two minutes.” 

Nino adjusts the straps on his shoulders and gives Jun a two-finger salute before walking towards the tram station. 

“And don’t forget tonight!” Jun leans over as he tries to catch Nino’s attention. 

“As long as you’re paying. Later, Jun!” Nino starts to run when he sees the tram coming along. 

“I always pay, anyway,” Jun sighs. Jun shifts his attention to the rose bushes and feels a waft of disappointment when he finds no one there. Jun gives it a shrug and smiles politely to the young girl asking for a box of mochi.  
   
~*~*  
   
Jun sighs when he finally gets home at midnight. Nino and Aiba had too much fun and got too drunk to get back to their apartment on their own. Jun contemplated for a few moments just leaving his two friends asleep, entwined like pretzels on the sidewalk. But he actually did like his friends and he didn’t think he had the heart to do that to them. So Jun hailed a cab, half-dragged, half-carried his friends into and out of the cab, and essentially man-handled them up to their shared apartment. Jun took the liberty of paying the cab fare from Nino and Aiba’s wallets, and he thought it fair for the few precious hours they took away from Jun’s sleep. 

“Tadaima,” Jun says to no one in particular and stops in his tracks when he hears an unexpected answer. He hurries down the hallway to his kitchen and finds a cat lounging on his dining table, looking at him with what Jun thinks is judgment. 

“Who are you and how did you get in here?!” 

_“Meow.”_ A few slow blinks. _“Meeeoooow.”_ The cat shifts a little and exposes more of its huge belly. 

“Oh great! You’re pregnant, too!” Jun knows he is possibly being too loud but he really can’t be bothered to care right now. 

Jun grabs the handset off its rack and dials his family’s home number. It’s past midnight but he’s sure his call is expected. 

_“Hello, Jun-chan! So nice to hear from you.”_ Strange comment since they see each other almost every day at the shop. 

“Mom, there’s a pregnant cat on my dining table.” If there’s even a tiny bit of anger in his voice, it is masked by the more obvious panic. 

_“Yes, you are very observant Jun-chan,”_ Matsumoto-san chimes in pleasantly. 

_“As you know, I am taking care of two pregnant kitties, including Pee-chan over there.”_

“Pee-chan?” 

_“But as her pregnancy progresses, she has become less tolerant of other cats and so I thought that it would be better to separate her from the rest until she gives birth.”_

“Until she gives birth!!??”  
_“You are being odd Jun-chan. You’re just repeating what I say.”_

“I’m being odd??” 

_“See! You did it again!”_

“Mom, I come home to find a pregnant cat in my apartment. I don’t have a cat! Cats hate me.” Jun pinches the spot between his brows where he feels the start of a headache. “And how did you get in my apartment?” 

_“Hmmm? Oh, the kind landlady let me in.”_ Jun reminds himself to have a chat with the building caretaker in the morning about this security breach. 

“Mom, I can’t have a cat. I’m out most of the day. I know nothing about taking care of them, let alone a pregnant one who looks like she’s about to pop kittens any minute now. And they hate me. I don’t have cat food. And they poop and pee!” Jun walks over the table and peers at Pee-chan. “Where will she poop and pee??” 

_“Oh you don’t have to worry about that! I brought everything you might need. I put her food in one of your empty cupboards. That’s about enough for a couple of weeks. She has her favorite food and water bowls near the backdoor. I put the litter box inside your toilet because that’s what she’s used to. There’s a couple of cat litter bags under your sink and that should last for a couple of weeks too.”_

Jun cringes at the idea of scooping Pee-chan’s poop every day. “Mom… the…”

_“It’s a semi-automated litter box, dear. It scoops the poop and pee clumps all by itself. You just have to replace the litter sand and the disposable trash bag when it’s full.”_

“Mom…”

_“I love you, Jun-chan. I brought some of her toys so she can entertain herself when you’re not there. I’ll visit tomorrow after you close the store and see how Pee-chan’s doing. Goodnight!”_

“Mom…”

_“She keeps to herself. Plays by herself most of the time. And by the way, she likes looking out from high places so I put her cat tree beside your window, so keep that one locked, ne? Okay, bye!”_

“My apartment is not cat-proof. I have breakable stuff everywhere. Mom…”

Jun looks at the handset when a dial tone is all he gets as an answer. He looks at Pee-chan and watches her stretch before approaching him with a small meow. And then he feels a fluffy head rub against his arm. And another tiny meow. And a soft purr. 

Jun is devastated.  
   
~*~*  
   
Jun thinks Old Man looks slightly more tanned today, which is weird. It’s the middle of autumn and most people would choose to stay cozy indoors rather than be cold outdoors. But then again, he is still going about his daily drawing session by the tram tracks. He seems to have no problem with the cold. He’s still wearing faded jeans and short-sleeved shirts. 

“Let me guess. You let her sleep on your bed,” Nino says and then takes a huge bite off his red bean daifuku. It’s Aiba’s treat today, not that it makes much of a difference since he usually doesn’t pay for them anyway. 

“What? Jun-chan let a girl sleep on his bed?” Aiba stares at Jun in shock, mouth open, white flour dust clinging at the edge of his lips. Jun stops his staring and realigns the already perfectly lined daifuku boxes. 

“Yep, Jun-pon let a girl sleep on his bed. And a pregnant one at that!” 

Aiba gasps and almost falls over when he tries to grab Nino’s shoulders. “No way! Jun likes girls now?” 

Nino makes an exaggerated nod and looks over to Jun who is frowning over the display of their new batch of sweets. 

“But didn’t we have that coming out party a few years back where Jun said that he likes men and has been that way ever since sixth grade?” Aiba looks confused, looking between Nino and Jun with big eyes and a pout. 

“We sure did. But seems like there are exceptions.” Jun glares at Nino. 

“They have to walk on four legs, have fur with calico pattern, and must be pregnant,” Nino continues then pats Aiba’s head and moves to pick up his bag from the floor. 

“I’m going to be late for work. See you tomorrow,” Nino says to no one in particular, leaving Aiba to figure it all out. 

“You have a cat?” 

Jun sighs and rubs his hand over his face. “She’s not mine. She’s mom’s cat. Or rather she’s supposed to be taking care of her until she’s adopted.” 

“Okay. The one who from the shelter? I do see her there sometimes when I volunteer. So, why is one sleeping on your bed?” 

“Because she won’t let me sleep unless I let her! She meows and meows and scratches at my door and scratches at my books and just basically disturbs the entire building!” 

Aiba has the gall to laugh at this and earns him a glare from Jun. 

“She’s been keeping me up the past couple of days. I finally let her have her way and let her in my room and the first thing she does is claim my pillow! Scratched it, sniffed it and plopped herself on it.” Jun is all worked up now. Aiba knows how much Jun loves his pillow. He recalls something about it being very expensive. 

“That means she likes you. Cats, more so pregnant ones, will only sleep in the same space with the humans they like and trust. So congratulations, Jun-chan! Finally a land animal that likes you!” Aiba claps Jun’s shoulder and Jun isn’t sure he is willing to celebrate this milestone. 

Jun sees a slight movement at his peripheral vision and is shocked to see Old Man walking towards the store. He doesn’t say anything coming in, and just starts looking intently at the display, shifting his gaze from one row to another, mouth slightly open.

This is the first time Jun sees him up close and he can’t help but stare: the round cheeks, the straight nose, the thin shapely upper lip and the plump lower one, the almond eyes and droopy brows, the small scar on his right cheek. Old Man looks up and stares back at Jun and Jun wonders what he sees. His thick brows? His wide mouth? His large eyes? Or his stained apron and his flour-covered pants? Jun is not a vain man. But he grew up impatient to have all his large features settle into his face and he still feels somewhat uncomfortable to be scrutinized so openly.

“Otsukaresama de~,” Jun falters. “Irasshaimase!” He sees Aiba cover his mouth with both his hands and try to not to laugh too much.

Jun sees a small tug at the left side of Old Man’s mouth that just slightly spreads. It was too subtle to notice had Jun not been watching closely. It started so small and disappeared so fast.

Jun straightens his back and tries to fight the embarrassment from his little blunder. He approaches the display and waits patiently as Old Man begins his perusal again. 

“All of these were freshly made this morning. This one has the classic red bean paste inside,” Jun starts pointing at each of the sets. “This one is matcha flavor and this one has red bean and strawberry.” Old Man is leaning forward and really close to Jun, and he smells nice, Jun thinks. Like baby powder and fresh laundry. He tries not to inhale too deeply.

“Strawberry?”

“Ah, yes. We use strawberries from Tochigi and our red beans come from Hokkaido,” Jun hands out a small plate with small cut up samplers of their daifuku.

Old Man picks one and promptly puts it in his mouth and as soon as he starts to chew, he looks up at Jun and smiles widely. He then takes another one and this time he softly giggles and whispers “Delicious!”

Jun feels proud. Ever since they renovated, a lot of the production goes through a small factory at the edge of the city. Well, it is more of a house than a company, and Jun can count the number of workers there with his two sets of fingers. Jun had been very careful and very particular when he partnered with that company. He wanted the same recipe to be used no matter what. The taste must not change.

“It’s delicious, right?!” Aiba chimes in, cutting through Jun’s thoughts. “Hey, Jun here says he sees you every day down by the rose bushes near the tram rails,” Aiba says while pointing over at Jun’s general direction. Jun has an urge to shut Aiba’s mouth for him but holds himself back. That would be a bad image for their store.

Old Man looks up at Jun and gives him a tiny smile and a barely-there bow of his head. Jun respectfully nudges his head in a more deliberate bow.

“Don’t you get cold? Today was already 15 degrees and they say it might go lower next week,” Aiba continues. Aiba is not exactly acting strange but he’s being too friendly. He has replaced Jun at his usual spot by the display.

“Ah! How rude of me. I’m Aiba Masaki, and this is my friend Matsumoto Jun. His family actually owns this place! Isn’t that awesome? What’s your name?”

“Uhm, hello, Aiba-san, Matsumoto-san. I’m Ohno Satoshi.” Ohno mentions their name carefully but almost mumbles his name. Jun doesn’t think it’s out of shyness. It’s just the way he talks, a little lazy and just a little impatient. Jun gets an inkling why Aiba is acting the way he is and Aiba looks at him with triumph in his eyes. At least he can stop calling him Old Man now, Jun thinks.

“Well Ohno-san, it’s nice to meet you. So, which of the flavors here do you like best?” Aiba continues, leaning over the glass surface of the display cases in a way that makes Jun cringe. That surface can break anytime.

“Uhmm… I think I’ll take two of each flavor.”

Jun takes a box for six daifuku and carefully places each daifuku in a paper pocket and puts each one in each box slot. When he finishes and looks up, he sees Ohno intently looking at his hands as they hold the box firmly.

“That would be 900 yen.” That seems to shift Ohno’s attention back to Jun’s face. Ohno reaches into his pockets and fishes out several coins and starts to count.

“Thank you so much for giving the exact amount,” Jun says with his generic food service industry smile that took him three months to perfect.

When Ohno leaves, Jun and Aiba stand side by side to watch him. In the two autumns that Jun saw Ohno every day along the tram rails, this is the first time he has ever approached their store. They are only a few feet away from the tracks and at first he had found it strange that Ohno never approached their store. Now that he did, Jun finds it strange that he did after all this time.

“Isn’t it a good thing, Jun-chan,” Aiba says when Ohno is no longer in sight.

“Huh?” Jun turns to see Aiba smiling at him.

“You can stop calling him Old Man now.”

Jun doesn’t bother to hide that he’s grateful for Aiba taking charge of the situation earlier. “Thank you Aiba-kun. Ohno Satoshi, huh.”

“I have Google,” Aiba says, helpfully pulling out his phone.

“No, we are not doing that!” Jun walks away and goes into the kitchen.

Aiba laughs and pockets his phone. “I know that Jun,” Aiba says kindly. “Do you think he’ll be back tomorrow?”

“He bought a lot of daifuku today. I don’t think he’ll finish it all in one night,” Jun says.

“Ah! You are making a lot of assumptions there, Jun-chan. What if he shares with someone or some other people? What if he has children who get to eat one of each flavor? What if he has a wife? Or a boyfriend? Or several of them?”

Jun had started walking away in the middle of what Aiba was saying and Aiba has to raise his voice to be heard over at the kitchen. He was pretty sure Jun was pouting all the while.  
   
~*~*  
   
Jun doesn’t get the chance to ask Ohno until a month later, when autumn is in full swing and the rose bushes are starting to dry up. Ohno comes late in the afternoon, just an hour shy of Jun’s closing time.

“Are there any strawberry daifuku left for today?”

Jun almost could not make out the mumbled words hadn’t he been looking over the accounting books near the counter. That timbre of the voice has Jun looking up too fast that he almost feels dizzy, and sees round cheeks and a sweet smile.

“Ohno-san! It’s been a while,” Jun hopes he doesn’t sound too excited. Is it weird to say _‘It’s been a while’_ when Ohno has effectively only visited the store once? No, of course not, Jun reasons with himself. He is just being welcoming and approachable to their customer.

Ohno continues to smile while staring at Jun’s face, eyes moving down to his neck and then his shoulders.

“Ahem! Yes, we still have strawberry daifuku over here,” Jun suddenly feels self-conscious. For all the time he spent watching Ohno from afar, he never thought someone could stare as intently as Ohno does.

“I’ll take a dozen. Sho-chan really loved them last time I bought them,” Ohno shares with Jun. “And can I please get one that I can eat right here?”

Jun stops his movement of packing each daifuku in the store paper pockets and looks questioningly at Ohno.

“I mean, I’d like to eat one here,” Ohno clarifies.

“Of course it’s okay!” Jun blurts out. “Uhm, just for a few moments Ohno-san.” Jun motions Ohno to sit anywhere he likes. But instead of choosing a table, Ohno pulls a stool over in front of the counter.

Ohno gladly sits and looks up at Jun, as if waiting for something. Jun looks back at Ohno, raising his eyebrows as if to ask what it was he wanted. Ohno looks at the display then back at Jun, then back again. Jun finally remembers about the strawberry daifuku and hurries to prepare it.

When Jun returns, he is carrying a small tray with a beautifully sliced strawberry daifuku and a cup of black tea.

“Thank you for waiting. Here is your strawberry daifuku and tea. Please enjoy it.” Jun is about to go back to his spot when Ohno makes a terribly inappropriate sound. And then a soft giggle and then “Delicious!”

Jun turns to look at Ohno just as he is about to put the other half of the daifuku in his mouth. And then makes that moaning sound again, his eyes closed with a smile on his face. Jun isn’t sure if he is supposed to hear that sound. Is this is Ohno’s reaction every time he eats the daifuku? Is this even an appropriate reaction? Jun feels himself blushing and hurries back to the counter. Of course Jun is grateful for Ohno’s appreciation of the store’s product, but Jun would rather not hear that sound again during work hours.

Jun returns to his chores behind the counter and display, checking supply inventories and the balance books, Aiba can do the cleaning later when he comes in for his shift. He watches as Ohno takes out his notebook from his belt pouch and starts doodling something. He stays that way for a long time, full concentration, until a man in suit comes in and pulls another stool to sit beside him.

“Hi, Sho-chan,” Jun hears Ohno say to the man.

“Hello, Satoshi-kun. You weren’t in your usual spot so I took a chance to see if you’re here.”

Jun looks at the new comer and estimates that he is about his age. He is in a tailored suit and his hair is properly combed. A businessman? Or a man who moves in a corporate world, Jun thinks.

“Sho-chan, you should get some strawberry daifuku.”

The man called ‘Sho-chan’ gets up from his perch and approaches the display.

“Hello. Welcome to Matsumoto’s Sweets and Daifuku. I’m Matsumoto Jun. What would you look to have today?”

“Hmmm. Everything looks good. What would you recommend, Matsumoto-san?” The man is looking at Jun with an excited smile on his face. And Jun is hit with how pretty that face is.

“Our best seller is our strawberry daifuku, but I would also recommend for you to try our red bean and matcha daifuku.”

The man straightens and crosses his arm, thinking for a few seconds before finally deciding. “Then, give me one of each, please. And a latte.”

“Certainly. That would be eight hundred yen.”

‘Sho-chan’ hands Jun the exact amount.

“Thank you. I will be serving your orders at your seat.” Just then, Jun hears Aiba coming in back at the kitchen, making so much noise Jun wonders how one man can be so loud. There is a loud thud and a crash of something breaking.

When Aiba emerges from the back, Ohno and ‘Sho-chan’ are looking at him with concern. Jun on the other hand, Jun is just going about his usual tasks.

“Hi Aiba-chan.”

“Hi, Jun-kun. I broke your mom’s vase at the kitchen.” There is no trace of remorse on his face.

“Oh, you’re a genius Aiba-chan. Thank you for saving me the trouble,” Jun says with relief in his eyes.

“Yeah. No problem. I didn’t mean to do it but boy was I glad that it was the one that broke. I knew how much you hated that vase.”

There is a muffled giggling and Jun turns to see Ohno and his friend holding in their mirth. ‘Sho-chan’ slaps Ohno’s shoulder. “Shush Satoshi-kun! It’s rude to eavesdrop!”

“I was not eavesdropping. I overheard it.” And Ohno goes into another giggling fit.

“Ah! Ohno-san! It’s been a while!” Aiba says with enthusiasm, approaching the counter, his face coming too close to Ohno’s.

“Hello, Aiba-san.” And then a set of giggles. “You broke a vase?”

“Yes, I did.” And then Aiba laughs.

“Ah, Aiba-san, this is my friend Sakurai Sho. Sho-chan, this is Aiba Masaki.”

“Hello Aiba-san. This is really really good. Delicious!” Sakurai declares.

“Right?! This store has the best daifuku in the entire Tokyo area and I’m not saying that because I work here and Jun-chan is my friend.”

Sakurai stuffs another daifuku in his mouth and proceeds to chew with gusto. “I can’t believe you never bothered to get daifuku from this store before, Satoshi-kun.”

Satoshi only hums and continues with his drawing. Sakurai and Aiba shrug and then Aiba has to go to his post when a couple of customers come in.

And when it is time for Ohno and Sakurai to leave, Sakurai orders an entire box of assorted daifuku. Jun thanks them. Aiba bids them goodbye enthusiastically and Jun can see Ohno trying to match Aiba’s zeal.

“Ne, Jun-chan.”

“Hmmm?”

“They look like a great couple, ne?”

“Yeah, they do.”

Aiba puts his arms around Jun’s shoulder. “Don’t worry Jun-chan. I still think you’re the hottest guy in this side of Tokyo.”

“Make that the entire Tokyo, Aiba-chan.”

“Ah, I’m sorry Jun-kun, I don’t think I can do that. There’s this Johnny’s idol called Disco Star-sama and I don’t think you can beat him.”

Jun answers with a “Pffff!” and Aiba takes out his phone to show Jun pictures of said idol. And later, when Nino joins them for dinner, Aiba tells Nino that “Jun is heart-broken because Ohno-kun has a hot boyfriend.” For which Jun responds with “I am not heart-broken!” And then they spend the rest of the night discussing who among the Johnny’s idols are actually worthy of being called hot.  
   
~*~*  
   
“Oh-chan, buy me a daifuku,” Nino sing-songs, the side of his face resting against the countertop.

_Oh-chan?_ Jun looks up from his espresso machine and gives Nino an odd look. Since when is Ohno ‘Oh-chan’?

“But you already had one,” Ohno mumbles.

“I did. But now I kind of want another one, before I go back to the office.”

“So you’re not off work yet? But you’ve been hanging here for a long time. Is that okay?”

“I’m here on official business so it’s okay.”

Ohno looks around to see what business Nino has in the store. “What official business? You’ve been sitting here the entire time.”

“It’s confidential.”

“You’re cutting work hours.”

“Tsk.”

Jun smiles. This is how it’s been going on for weeks now – Ohno paints the roses in the morning, leaves and then comes back in the afternoon for a snack. And then Nino would magically appear and join Jun and Aiba at the counter, but mostly he’s just there to chat with Ohno. Surprisingly, Ohno becomes chatty when Nino and Aiba are around, his murmured replies now becoming part of the ambient sound in the store. But whenever it’s just Jun around, Ohno wouldn’t talk as much. Jun asks him questions and Ohno answers them. But Ohno would rarely ask and spends most of his time drawing or spacing out, or staring at Jun or Jun’s hands. There was one time he caught Ohno looking at his ass and he looked so guilty, Jun didn’t have the heart to tell him off. It never happened again as far as Jun knows. Sometimes Sho would join them, but it is often enough that Nino and Aiba have already started calling him ‘Sho-chan’ as well.

It’s a slow afternoon and it’s only Jun, Nino and Ohno in the store. Jun is glad for this bit of time when he can sit and go through a couple of his social media accounts. With Pee-chan now ruling his time when he returns to the apartment, he has been spending less time attending to his Instagram and Twitter accounts.

He is sitting there opposite Ohno and Nino and the next time he looks up, Ohno is snoozing, head resting on his notebook, his pencil still tucked between his fingers. Jun takes the opportunity to look at him this close and Jun still thinks he’s pretty despite the imperfections – the small blemishes on his forehead, the scar on his right cheek, the few irregular color spots on his nose. Jun rests his chin on his palms and sighs.

“Sho-chan is not his boyfriend.”

Nino still has his head resting on the counter, his position mirroring Ohno’s.

“I asked and he said Sho-chan is a friend.”

Jun doesn’t say anything and just looks at Ohno’s peaceful sleeping face, unconsciously smiling when he sees a corner of Ohno’s lips twitch in his sleep.

“I also asked and he said that he isn’t married, engaged or dating anyone.” Nino finally gets up and stretches his arms followed by a yawn. “You’re welcome.”

“I don’t know what you mean, Nino,” Jun says, also getting up to wrap the three large boxes Nino ordered for the important office meeting they are having the next day.

Nino only smirks at Jun and gives him his signature two-finger salute before running for the tram.

“Thanks, Nino.”  
   
~*~*  
   
“Matsumoto-kun, what is your favorite fish?”

“My favorite fish? Like the ones swimming in the ocean kind of fish?” Jun tries to clarify. Not sushi, not sashimi, but fish.

Ohno nods and stops drawing to wait for Jun’s reply. It’s a strange question, weirdly phrased and has no context. But Ohno rarely starts a conversation so Jun will try his best to answer.

“I don’t know much about fish freely living in the ocean. But I love sashimi and sushi. If it’s sashimi, it’s maguro. If it’s sushi then it’s anago.”

“Maguro, ne. Maguro is hard…” Ohno mumbles.

“What do you mean?” Jun asks tentatively.

“You need to go out further into the open sea to get a maguro. And the boat captain said that the longest they had to wait before catching one was five days.”

Ohno suddenly goes into a detailed description of how a tuna is caught and the equipment that one needs to be successful in it. He is talking so animatedly Jun wonders if Ohno is actually a fisherman and painting is just a hobby of his. With his tan, he surely can pass for one.

“How about you Ohno-kun? What is your favorite fish?”

“Katsuo! The big one!” Ohno quickly replies. “I haven’t caught one yet. But I will. I definitely will.” And then he makes a gesture that Jun interprets as reeling in a fish. It’s weird but Ohno looks so endearing while doing it that Jun can’t help but laugh.

With laughter in their eyes, Ohno says goodbye for the day and Jun attends to a group of university students. When Jun returns to clean up the counter, he sees a piece paper, obviously torn from Ohno’s sketch notebook. On it is a drawing of a plate of sushi and sashimi, signed by Ohno Satoshi.

Jun looks at the picture. It’s simple but very detailed with unusual proportions – the sushi topping three times as large as the rice. Jun looks closer and sees that each grain of rice has been painstakingly drawn. Seeing the effort that went into the drawing, Jun carefully folds the paper at its sides to make it into a square, and then inserts it in his planner notebook. Jun knows Ohno did not draw it for him, specifically, but Jun would like to think that he left it there for Jun to find.

This thought makes Jun smile and keeps his spirits up even until he goes home. Jun opens his apartment door, already making plans of ordering sushi from his favorite restaurant. And what he sees inside makes his heart stop. Pee-chan is at the corner of the room, beside his couch, on his favorite rug, four small black lumps of fur beside her. Pee-chan makes an unusual meow and Jun carefully puts down his bag and slowly makes his way to her.

“I see you’ve got a present for me,” Jun says with a sigh. His rug is ruined but he couldn’t care less. “Good job, Pee-chan. You have four babies, yay!” Jun says in a whisper, afraid that he might disturb the babies. “How about some sushi to celebrate. My treat.”

 

 

###  (139) I hope you never listen to anyone who tells you that you can’t sing, dance, write or paint.* 

   
“You need help with that?”

Jun tries to keep his hold on the box he is carrying as he turns his head to the voice.

“Ah, Ohno-kun. How are you?” Jun struggles to talk and carry the heavy box at the same time.

“Ah… I’m good but… here let me help you with that.” Ohno reaches out his hand to support one side of the box. Jun smiles at him gratefully and gives a firm nod.

“If it’s not too much trouble,” Jun remains unassuming. He doesn’t want to impose on Ohno, but he has to admit that he is struggling. Despite the autumn cold, he is sweating underneath his coat from the effort of carrying the box.

“Not at all. This looks too heavy for one person to carry. If we can divide the content of the box, I can carry half of it for you.” They put down the box on the sidewalk and Jun rummages through his backpack to see if he has something like an eco-bag or a canvas bag. In one of the pockets, he finds one of his foldable shopping bags and happily shows it to Ohno.

Jun begins to open the box as Ohno asks “What do you have in there anyway?”

Cat litter. Four heavy packs of cat litter, each weighing around three kilos. Jun puts two in the shopping bag and tries to test if it’s not too heavy for Ohno. When Jun tries to remove one pack, Ohno quickly grabs the bag and lifts it.

“This is fine. I can carry this,” Ohno insists and proves it to Jun by slinging the bag on his left shoulder. Jun nods his thanks and lifts the now lighter box. “So where are we headed?”

“My apartment.”

“Oh. Uhn. Okay.”

“It’s not that far. Just three more blocks.” And four floors up. No elevator. But Jun doesn’t tell Ohno that.

“Sure.”

Jun turns to his left and sees Ohno walking in his usual slightly draggy steps, slightly leaning towards his right to support the heavy package on his left. Jun has always encountered Ohno in the setting of his store, as staff and customer. In that situation Jun knows what is expected of him, what to say, how to react, but this is new to him. He is taking Ohno to his apartment, and it’s the first time they meet outside of the store.

_Well, you sure move fast, Jun-pon!_ Jun grins when he imagines Nino saying that to him, and then mentally tuts his tongue at his friend.

They don’t say much along the way except for the occasional “Let’s cross here”, “Let’s turn left”. Ohno doesn’t initiate conversation and Jun had expected that. He doesn’t seem the type.

“We’re here,” Jun says, slightly breathing hard as he puts down the box in front of the gate of their apartment building. Beside him, Ohno does the same. Aside from his faster breathing, Ohno doesn’t seem bothered by the walking and the heavy litter packs at all.

“What floor are you?” Ohno asks, not out of breath at all.

“Fourth.” Jun cringes when he says it. Of course he knows that he lives on the fourth floor and that there’s no elevator. And right now he’s questioning his decision of getting this much litter from the animal rescue shelter in one go. _Because you didn’t want to keep going back when you run out._

Jun keys open the gate and Ohno follows him and into the automatic glass doors. Inside the building, Jun heads to the staircase without saying anything. When he turns, he sees Ohno still standing by the main door, looking around the corridor and then at Jun.

“Where’s the elevator?” Ohno asks, slightly confused.

“Oh, we don’t have one.” Jun waits on the steps until Ohno starts to move towards him.

By the second landing, Ohno has had it. “If you’re going to build seven floors, you put elevators in it!” By this time, Ohno has beads of sweat on his nape and the edge of his hairline. On the other hand, the back of Jun’s shirt is already soaked through.

“I said the same thing to the landlady,” Jun says in between deep breaths.

“And?” Ohno demands.

“She said she’ll tell the owner that I told her that.” Jun takes several breaths before continuing. “It’s been two years and I haven’t heard a reply.”

“Fourth floor! Yay!” Ohno celebrates. There’s only one apartment per floor and Jun is glad they don’t need to walk through another hallway just to get to his apartment.

Ohno follows Jun to the sole door. While Jun is sorting through his keys, Ohno can already hear a soft meowing from inside the apartment. When they finally open it, they are greeted by a slightly plump calico cat at the top of the genkan, who eagerly starts rubbing her head and body against Jun’s legs. She then sits in front of Jun, looks up at him and starts meowing, as if asking Jun how his day had been. Jun greets her with “Tadaima” and that earns Jun another round of meowing. When she’s done, she stands up and walks, tail up, beside the couch where Ohno sees small, black, wriggly little kittens piling up on top of each other.

“Oh. That was sweet,” Ohno says and when Jun turns to look at him, Jun sees a small smile on his face.

“That’s Pee-chan, and all that heavy lifting we just did is for her. She’s only sweet so that she can get away with all the other things she does.” Jun gives Ohno a pair of slippers and invites him in. 

While Jun pushes the litter packs beside some big sacks of cat food at one corner of the living room, Ohno walks over to Pee-chan and her babies. The babies have sensed their mom and are now eagerly racing to get to her milk. Ohno tentatively offers Pee-chan his fingers and lets her smell them before gently scratching her head and the underside of her chin. He doesn’t dare touch the kittens yet since he’s still a stranger to Pee-chan.

“I see you’ve introduced yourself to Pee-chan. Pee-chan meet Ohno-kun.” Jun bends down to pet Pee-chan, and Ohno sees the difference in her reaction compared to when he touched her. With Jun, she pushes her head and face closer to his hand, gives more access to her neck and Jun scratches there, and purrs like an engine.

“She’s the first animal I’ve encountered who actually likes me,” Jun says fondly. “But she’s not actually mine.” Jun gives each of the four tiny hungry kittens small head rubs before standing up. “Would you like some tea, Ohno-kun?”

“Ah, thank you very much.” Ohno is still looking at Pee-chan and the kittens very intently with a soft smile on his face.

Jun moves to the kitchen and starts preparing a pot of tea. He hears a soft shuffling of feet and soon Ohno is peeking through the kitchen. “Matsumoto-kun?”

Jun turns to the voice and sees Ohno’s face lit up with excitement. “What is it Ohno-kun?”

“Can I take photos of Pee-chan? Please?” In all the times that Jun has seen Ohno in his store, his eyes rarely show this much interest. Jun doesn’t have the heart to say no.

“Sure, just make sure to turn off the sound thingy. It startles the babies.”

“Okay!” Ohno says excitedly in a hushed voice, as if scared to startle the kittens in the other room.

They spend a good couple of hours talking and eating the snacks Jun prepared. At first they don’t talk much, just sitting while Jun goes through some messages and Ohno looking around, or doodling in the small notebook he fished out from his pockets.

What surprises Jun is that it doesn’t feel awkward. Ohno gives a calm feeling that makes staying quiet feel like the most normal thing. But after a while, it is Jun who breaks the silence.

“What is it you do Ohno-kun?” Jun asks. He has always wondered. He knows he draws and paints, and even has time to spend every morning of autumn to paint roses for several hours.

Ohno looks at him and tilts his head in that very curious way and hums before answering. “Well, in the most basic sense, I paint and draw. Sho-chan deals with all the other business stuff and talks to people so that I can show my works in exhibits and such.”

Jun softly laughs at the way Ohno has described his and Sakurai’s work in such a simplified manner.

“You make it sound so simple, Ohno-kun.”

“I’m sure it isn’t but I was never really into the business aspect of art. I only ever wanted to paint and to draw. Even in university, they kept asking what I would do after I graduate and I never really knew what to tell them.”

Jun looks at Ohno curiously. He can’t put together the image of the hunched man painting roses for hours and a man who produces art works for exhibits. It makes Jun all the more interested.

“So how did Sakurai-san end up doing the business side of things?”

“I’ve known Sho-chan since high school. He has helped me ever since. He helped me study enough to get me through the university entrance exams.” A small smile blooms on Ohno’s face. “He talked to me after graduation. We were eating at our favorite ramen place, he looked at me and told me, _‘I see that you absolutely have no plans after graduation. You are really good at what you do Satoshi-kun. And I think that I am pretty good with what I do, as well. If you hire me, I will make sure we both don’t get hungry.’_ ” At this Ohno outright laughs.

“He looked so serious and I was just thinking about all the fishing I’d be doing after graduation.” Ohno laughs again.

“Looks like it worked out.” Jun says fondly. The way Ohno talks about Sakurai shows how close they are and how much they’ve gone through together.

“How about you Matsumoto-kun?”

“What about me?” 

“How did you end up with a cat who isn’t yours?” Ohno chews through the bread Jun baked from the day before and smiles. “It’s delicious.”

“Thank you,” Jun likes hearing people compliment his cooking, even though he is still not sure how to respond to them.

“Pee-chan? My mother fosters some cats for the local shelter. She takes care of them until they are ready for adoption. Pee-chan here got a bit difficult when she was near her delivery date and she had to be separated from the other cats. So Mom sneaked in here and made Pee-chan at home while I was away at work.”

“I think your Mom is amazing,” Ohno laughs a little. “She knew Pee-chan would like it here with you.”

“You think Pee-chan does?” Jun teases.

“She looked really comfortable beside your couch,” Ohno says, polishing off the crumbs of bread from his plate.

“Well, I sure hope she does. She has practically taken over my apartment.” Jun says this but he says it with affection. “It actually involves some work on top of the work at the store and to think she’s already an adult.” Jun looks thoughtful as he tries to imagine the effort and time his mother puts into taking care of the younger ones and the others with certain medical conditions.

“Ah!” Ohno’s expressions are so transparent and Jun knows that he just suddenly realized something. “So fostering means you will not keep her? Or the kittens?”

“Yeah, fostering means taking care of them until they can be adopted into their forever homes.” When Jun says this, Ohno’s face suddenly falls, as if the prospect of Pee-chan and the kittens leaving Jun’s apartment makes him sad.

“But they’ll be sad without you, Matsumoto-kun!” Ohno says adamantly.

“You can’t be sure of that.”

“I’m sure!” Ohno nods vigorously.

At this, Jun laughs. But admittedly, it makes Jun feel good to think that Pee-chan and the kittens will miss him when they get adopted. Pee-chan slept beside him every night up until she gave birth. And even now with her babies around, she would snooze beside Jun or on his lap when he is reading his book before he goes to sleep.

“Hmmm? Maybe. But isn’t it better if they go to good homes where they’ll be considered as part of the family? I think they’ll eventually forget about me.” Jun says truthfully. He’s been reading blogs of fosters who talk about how they deal with saying goodbye to their wards and it’s been helping him prepare for the eventuality. Jun admits to himself that he has grown very attached to his temporary boarders.

“Maybe. But maybe they won’t forget you. I think you are hard to forget, Matsumoto-kun.”  
   
~*~*  
 

“When someone tells you that you are hard to forget, what do they mean by that?”

“Huh? What are you talking about?” Aiba says while he attempts to beat Nino in some game Jun is sure he’s seen the other two play before. Nino and Aiba are on the floor smashing each other with their characters on the screen, while Jun is sitting cross-legged on the couch.

“Exactly that. What could it mean when someone tells you that you are hard to forget? And that person is not a romantic interest or dating or anything.” Jun thinks about it some more and doesn’t notice that his two friends have paused the game and are looking at him. “I mean that person is not a lover or an ex-lover or anything like that, just a casual acquaintance. Like that.”

When Jun doesn’t hear any response, he looks up from his plate of leftover lasagna and sees that Nino and Aiba are staring at him with weird grins on their faces. They are at Nino and Aiba’s apartment and Jun just realized that he has opened his mouth without thinking over his words.

“Well, well, Jun-pon. What do we have here?” Nino is positively beaming at Jun and that scares him. Aiba has put down his controller and is slowly moving towards Jun on the couch.

“Jun-chan? What is going on?” Aiba says, body leaned forwards towards Jun. There is excitement in Aiba’s eyes and Jun feels trapped.

“Aiba-chan, too close. Too close.” Aiba is so close Jun can practically smell his meal from his breath.

“Get off him. You’re being weird again, Aiba.” Nino pulls Aiba off by his shirt. Aiba ends up on the other side of the couch but the light in his eyes is still there.

“But Jun-chan has a serious problem, Nino-chan!” Aiba looks straight at Jun and Jun responds by shaking his head.

“No, no! I don’t have a problem!” Jun should have known better than to bring it up this way to his friends. “Forget I said anything! It’s nothing important. I was just talking out loud.” _Okay, you need to shut it, Jun. Stop putting your foot further into your mouth._

Nino positively beams. “I think a colleague of mine told me that he read somewhere that if it’s something that you say without really thinking much about, then it’s something that is definitely important.” Nino nods, while Aiba gives Nino a quizzical look.

“Someone said that to you? Eh? Why haven’t you told me that before?” Aiba says.

Nino slaps Aiba’s thigh and tuts. “That’s not the point Aiba-chan. The point is J’s subconscious is obviously revealing something important and we need to talk about it.” They both look at Jun and Jun steels his will not to spill any details.

“It’s nothing really. It’s just a thought that popped in my head and said out loud.” Lying is not Jun’s strongest suit. And just omitting some details makes Jun’s armpits sweat a little.

“Hmmm,” Nino hums suspiciously. “Sure Jun-pon. But let’s say we believe you, let’s talk about it anyway. Aiba-shi, any thoughts?”

“Eh? Why me? You’re the one who’s pushing the issue?” Aiba has that bewildered look on his face that makes Jun think of a confused puppy.

“Just answer it Aiba-shi” On the other hand, Nino’s current expression reminds Jun of a sly fox. Jun smiles despite himself.

“Eeeh? Well… okay.” Aiba scratches his head and looks at Jun.

Despite the bit of awkwardness Jun feels talking about that most-likely-harmless comment from Ohno, he’ll always appreciate his friends’ input, no matter how crazy their ideas are.

“The person clearly wants to get in your pants,” Aiba says with sincerity.

Jun promptly takes back his statement. There are things he doesn’t appreciate about his friends’ input.

Nino claps his hands and nods a couple of times. “Succinctly put, Aiba-shi! Good job! I couldn’t have said it better.”

Aiba makes a dramatic bow. “At your service. Thank you. Thank you.”

“Of course he doesn’t!” Jun stands up and brings his plate to the kitchen. Nino and Aiba follow him.

“Aha! So there is a ‘he’ in all this,” Nino points out and he’s smiling that self-satisfied smile of his, the kind Jun sees when he wins his games.

Jun doesn’t respond to Nino’s teasing and begins to wash the piles of unwashed dishes and utensils in his friends’ sink.

“Aiba-chan doesn’t have much tact but I think he is just stating the fact in fast forward. I mean whoever this guy is, he is obviously interested enough in you to drop that kind of cheesy statement.” Nino leans back against the sink counter and looks at Jun’s scowling face.

“Okay. Let’s put it this way, if you were in that person’s shoes, would you say something like that to a person that you only consider as a casual acquaintance or platonic friend or colleague?”

Jun looks at Nino and pouts. “No, I wouldn’t.”

“Right? Look Jun, you’re tall, and pretty, and have a nice body. Of course someone would be interested in you.” Nino says it in such a practical way that Jun cannot find it in himself to be annoyed anymore.

“Of course I know that. But…”

“But? Jun this is your chance! You haven’t gotten laid in years…”

“Months,” Jun interjects.

“Fine, you haven’t gotten laid in months. And now somebody is obviously attracted to you so the only problem I see is if you are not attracted to him. Are you?” Nino is basically face to face with Jun and Jun feels like Nino is trying to look inside his head.

“I feel comfortable with him. And he’s a good listener. He laughs easily. I think he’s a little stubborn… Hmm… Maybe. And he’s cute. But he exudes this silent masculinity. But he looks like he needs someone to take care of him. But then again he has a career that says a lot about how reliable and diligent and hard-working and talented he is. And he’s kind of sweet and he likes to eat. And he has a nice butt.” The dam has broken and it all flows out of Jun.

“Oh gods he’s so your type, Jun.” Nino reels back in feigned shock.

Jun nods vigorously. “What am I gonna do?”  
   
~*~*  
   
Jun ends up ignoring most of Nino’s and Aiba’s suggestions. They were either too weird or too lewd. The one thing Jun got from his conversation with them is that yes, he is somehow attracted to Ohno. It’s the kind of curious interest mixed with physical attraction. Now that Jun has admitted that much, he can be more conscious about his reactions to Ohno and be more aware of how he interprets the things that Ohno says to him. Well, at least Jun hopes so.

“He’s late today.” Aiba stands beside Jun by the counter and leans his crossed hands on the display case.

“Who’s late today?” Jun asks, knowing exactly who Aiba is talking about since he’s been looking at the wall clock and his watch for the past hour.

“He may not be coming. It’s unusual for him to be late more than fifteen minutes.” Aiba ignores Jun’s attempt to pretend he doesn’t know Aiba is talking about Ohno. “When he’s this late, it usually means he’s not coming at all.”

Jun sighs when he realizes that his tactic is not going to work with Aiba. “It’s not like he made any promise to come here every day, Aiba-chan. So we can’t really expect him to.”

“Yeah, I know. But, I still kind of feel sad about that,” Aiba says, face falling even further when someone who is not Ohno walks in.

“Aiba-chan, you have to smile for the customers. Come on, I hired you for that smile. You’re supposed to balance out my scowl,” Jun jokingly elbows Aiba’s side. 

“But you’re pretty even when you’re scowling, Jun-chan,” Aiba jokes back. When Jun looks back at Aiba, he is giving Jun his genuine, sweet smile and it makes Jun feel better just as it always does.

“Welcome to Matsumoto’s Sweets and Daifuku! We also serve various tea and coffee. What would you like today?” Aiba greets the customer cheerfully. Jun smiles at this and thinks that he has such great people around him.

Ohno doesn’t visit the store that day. Or the next day. And the rest of the week. Each day, Jun secretly keeps some hope that Ohno just might come later than usual. But when Jun is already locking the door for the night, and still no Ohno in sight, he can’t help but feel just a little bit disappointed. And just before Jun falls asleep, when he is in that state between sleep and awake, Jun admits it to himself that he misses Ohno.

Tonight, when Jun gets home, he gives Pee-chan extra hugs and head rubs. Jun thinks that the cat senses his mood because she is extra affectionate tonight. The four kittens all have their eyes and ears open now and are starting to explore on shaky legs. Jun plays with them for a little while before they hone in on their mom’s breasts again. There are times when Jun catches himself cooing at them and it makes him laugh. Who would have thought he’d be cooing at kittens?

Just when Jun finally gets one of the kittens to fall asleep on his lap, his intercom beeps, telling him someone is at the gate, looking for him. Jun slowly gets up, cradling the mini panther against his chest within the crook of his elbow, and approaches the intercom.

“Yes, this is Matsumoto.”

Suddenly, Ohno’s face is right in the middle of his small screen. “Matsumoto-kun!” came the muffled static voice from the intercom.

“Ohno-kun? Is everything okay?” Jun asks skeptically. He doesn’t recall making any plans with Ohno tonight. Or any time as a matter of fact. Ohno responds by waving enthusiastically and lifting a small cooler box in front of the camera. When Ohno’s face is back on the screen, he looks so excited that Jun simply buzzes him in. Less than a minute later, he hears a knock on his door. When Jun opens the door, Ohno is standing there in his ripped jeans, baggy shirt and pair of plastic slippers. Jun momentarily wonders if he missed the weather forecast saying they now have summer weather instead of autumn.

“Do you want to come in?” Jun asks with a fond smile.

Inside Jun’s genkan, Ohno simply slips off his slippers and takes the same pair he used the first time he came to Jun’s place. “I brought you something, Matsumoto-kun!” Ohno moves with familiarity to Jun’s kitchen and Jun simply follows.

Ohno carefully puts the cooler box on top of Jun’s sink counter and starts to unclick the locks. When Jun sides up to Ohno, he is shocked by the chill he feels from his skin.

“Ohno-kun! You’re freezing!” Jun says, instinctively rubbing his hands up and down Ohno’s arms. “Did you walk all the way here like that?”

Ohno simply gives him a nod and just ever so slightly moves closer to Jun’s heat. “It’s okay. I don’t really mind the cold all that much,” Ohno says. But in contrast to what Ohno is saying, Jun feels a small shiver run through Ohno’s arms. Jun tuts and unconsciously scowls.

“That’s dangerous Ohno-kun. It’s five degrees outside today!” Jun moves to his closet and rushes back to Ohno, handing to him a thick gray sweater. “Here, wear this for now. Until you get all warmed up.”

Ohno takes the sweater but mumbles something like “But I don’t really feel all that cold,” as he puts it over his head. “Aah! This is nice and warm. And smells like you, Matsumoto-kun.”

Jun doesn’t reply to that and just watches as Ohno resumes opening the cooler. Inside it is a half slab of tuna. Ohno proudly shows it to Jun. “I caught it this morning!”

“You caught it yourself?” Jun asks, eyes wide with wonder. Ohno nods and smiles proudly. “That’s amazing, Ohno-kun!”

Ohno hands the fish over to Jun and he carefully washes and cuts it. While Jun prepares the sashimi, Ohno pulls a stool over and sits to watch Jun move about. A few minutes later, he feels something warm and fluffy against his foot and looks down to see Pee-chan brushing against him. She looks up at him and gives a tiny meow before Ohno pics her up and holds her on his lap.

“Don’t spoil her, Ohno-kun,” Jun says lightly.

“But she’s already spoiled,” Ohno replies, stroking the top of her head and the sides of her ears.

“Uhhmmm,” Jun hums. He works quietly and Ohno doesn’t try to initiate conversation. Jun can feel that Ohno is watching him but he doesn’t really mind. Somehow, the silence doesn’t really bother Jun when he’s with Ohno.

“It’s ready,” Jun says. He only cuts a quarter of the slab and puts away the rest in the fridge.

Instead of moving to the dining table, they eat the sashimi at the counter, sitting on high stools. It’s always a pleasure for Jun to watch Ohno eat. His face lights up whenever he eats something good and this time, Jun has prepared himself for the just-a-little-inappropriate sounds Ohno makes when he eats.

“This is really good!” Ohno exclaims. “I really did well this time!” He then looks up at Jun and beams at him. “Thank you, Matsumoto-kun. For preparing it so well.”

“Un. Thank you for the souvenir. This is really good tuna,” Jun answers. “How long did it take you to catch this tuna?” Jun is genuinely curious. Ohno has a new layer of tan and Jun assumes that the entire week that he hasn’t seen him, Ohno spent it out in the open sea.

“Three days. But it’s all worth it.”

“You should really consider using sunblock.” Jun brushes the tip of his fingers over Ohno’s arm, feeling the sunburnt texture of his skin. It’s very brief, but Jun definitely feels the sudden tension over Ohno’s arm. He pulls his hand back and quickly apologizes. “Ah. Um. I’m sorry about that.”

Ohno is looking at him and Jun can’t read his expression. But he doesn’t look offended or appalled. “Ah, don’t worry about it,” Ohno says shaking his head. “No harm done.”

Jun takes it in and nods. The sudden tension in the air is a complete contrast to the calm atmosphere they had earlier. Jun moves to take the plates when Ohno softly holds his right wrist.

“Really, Matsumoto-san, no harm done.” Jun looks at the hand on his arm and looks up to Ohno. “See? I’m touching you, too.” Ohno says matter-of-factly. “Is this okay?”

Jun swallows and nods. “Yes, it’s okay.” Jun feels warm, all too warm. Ohno’s hand on his wrist feels like it’s burning through his skin and it’s almost too much. 

It lasts for only a few seconds but the warmth lasts the entire night. Jun feels it hours after Ohno left. And he feels it while he soaks in the bath. And he feels it as he buries himself under his comforter. And he feels it the moment he wakes up the next day. It almost bothers him and he only feels reassured when the sensation finally fades by lunch time.

The sensation is almost gone when Ohno arrives late in the afternoon. Ohno shuffles over to the counter in his ripped jeans, T-shirt and pair of sneakers. Jun looks outside and mentally scolds Ohno. Jun for one knows that it’s around ten degrees outside and if Ohno had walked from his studio in this condition, he must be freezing by now.

“Good afternoon, Ohno-kun. Having the usual?” Jun asks with a smile. Jun tries to ignore the tingling sensation on his wrist and meets Ohno’s stare.

“Ah, yes, please. Thank you, Jun-kun,” Ohno replies with a smile of his own. Jun’s eyes slightly widen and Aiba turns his head so fast, Jun thinks it might give him a neck sprain.

Jun-kun? When did he start to become Jun-kun? He chooses not to say anything to that and rings in Ohno’s order.

“Would you like a blanket with that, Ohno-kun?” Jun asks naturally while he prepares Ohno’s tea and a plate of their strawberry daifuku.

“A blanket?” Ohno asks, bewildered at the odd offer.

“Yes, a blanket.” Jun only hesitates for a split second before he reaches over the counter to touch the bare patch of skin on Ohno’s arm. “See? You’re freezing.” This time, Aiba almost drops the mug of coffee he just prepared.

“Go on. You can take a seat. I’ll bring your tea and daifuku over,” Jun says.

Before Ohno can say anything, Jun turns and goes to the small room at the back of the kitchen, leaving Ohno unmoving, staring bewildered after him. When Jun returns, he has a thick blanket draped over his arm. Ohno almost laughs when he sees the bright purple blanket but holds it in when he sees Jun’s raised eyebrow, as if daring him to say anything.

“Here.” Jun bundles Ohno up in the thick blanket and turns him towards his usual seat. “I’ll bring the tea over.”

Jun doesn’t move until Ohno makes his way to the stool. When Ohno is finally settled, looking small and helpless, cocooned inside the blanket, Jun finally brings the hot tea and the plate of strawberry daifuku.

“What was that, Jun-chan?” Aiba has his face in front of Jun and Jun is trying hard not to react.

“What was what?”

“That!” Aiba gestures towards Ohno, who is savoring his daifuku like always.

“Oh. He was freezing. He’s obviously not dressed for the weather.” Jun knows he is skirting around the matter that Aiba wants to talk about. But he really doesn’t know the answer himself.

“Yeah. But you touched him like this,” Aiba puts his hand at the middle of Jun’s arm. “And you let it stay there just a bit too long in my opinion. Like this,” Aiba lets his hand linger way longer than Jun did. “And then you squeezed him like this,” Aiba lightly squeezes Jun’s biceps and laughs softly when Jun pulls his arm away.

“I did not squeeze him.”

“Okay, you didn’t squeeze him. But you did touch him like this.” Aiba repeats the action and watches carefully for Jun’s response. When Jun doesn’t pull away, Aiba prods him further. “And we all know that you don’t usually touch other people just like that.”

“Aiba-chan…” Jun starts. There’s so much he wants to say but Jun can’t seem to make sense of his own thoughts. There’s no order and Jun doesn’t know where to start. 

“Aiba-chan, I really can’t explain it well right now,” Jun sighs. “I need to figure it out.”

Aiba looks at him and nods. “Okay. But I’m telling Nino-chan.” Aiba takes his phone out of his pocket. By the time he’s at the kitchen door, Jun can already hear “Nino-chan, Jun touched a man!”

Jun panics just a little bit and tries to call out to Aiba but he’s already in the kitchen and there’s a customer who is waiting in front of Jun.

“Good morning. Welcome to Matsumoto’s. What can I get for you today?”  
   
~*~*  
   
“I want to draw you.”

Jun only pauses for a moment, and then he’s grinding the toasted soy beans again with his small manual grinder. His mother bought them for him from Kyoto and he’s curious what it tastes like if processed using the espresso machine.

For a while it is only the grating sound of the beans against the ceramic grinder that can be heard in the shop. It’s a slow day and Ohno is the only customer. He has dragged a stool in front of the counter and made himself comfortable sitting on it with his back against the wall. From that position, Jun can only see him in his peripheral vision.

Jun mulls over Ohno’s words. I want to draw you. It seems innocuous enough, but it’s so vague that it can mean anything, and Jun doesn’t like vagueness. What do you mean? is what Jun wants to say, and it comes out of his mouth before he can hold himself back.

When he gets no answer, Jun turns his head to look at Ohno and is surprised to see him staring at Jun unblinking. Jun stares back at him, determined not to be the one to look away. But there’s a small smile blooming on Ohno’s face and it unsettles Jun how much he likes seeing that smile.

Jun ends up looking away first and goes back to his grinding.

“I want to draw you, Jun-kun,” Ohno says it again. “Will you let me?”

“You really don’t have to ask permission. I can’t really stop you if you draw me, Ohno-kun,” Jun says. He can’t imagine what it would be like to see himself through someone’s interpretation. Jun doesn’t think there’s anything special about him that is worth drawing, but he can’t really stop Ohno if he wants to make him a topic of his art.

“What I meant was, I want you to pose for me,” Ohno clarifies.

“I…” Something gets caught in Jun’s throat and he tries to clear it before speaking again.

“I don’t think I’m the right guy for that, Ohno-kun.” Jun’s words still come out a bit raspy but he knows that’s because it’s laced with a little bit of nerves.

Ohno moves closer to the counter, leaning over, his face full of determination. “But you’re perfect!”

“Nobody’s perfect Ohno-kun…”

_“Satoshi,”_ Ohno interjects.

“Eh?” Suddenly Jun loses his train of thought. Ohno wants Jun to call him _Satoshi-kun?_

“I think it’s okay if you call me Satoshi. After all, I already caught a tuna for you,” Ohno says. Jun only crosses his arms over his chest.

“And you prepared sashimi for me!” Ohno rushes to add. “I think that’s enough for two people to call each other by their first names, Jun-kun.”

Certainly, Jun has noticed that Ohno has been calling him Jun-kun ever since that night Ohno came to his place with the tuna he caught. And there is no strict rule when and how two people should start calling each other by their first names.

“But Oh-“

“Satoshi.”

“Satoshi-kun,” Jun lets the name roll on his tongue. “Satoshi-kun,” he says it again and Jun thinks he likes the way Satoshi’s name sounds on his lips.

Satoshi smiles and puffs his cheeks, like he is pleased and embarrassed at the same time.

“Satoshi-kun, I am not a model. I am a plain old shop owner,” Jun says, going back to the issue of Satoshi’s request. “I don’t know how to pose. And even if I do, I don’t have the patience to stay still for a long time.”

Satoshi nods thoughtfully. “That may be true, Jun-kun. But I am not looking for a model. Or someone who knows how to pose.” Satoshi sits back down on the stool and swings his legs back and forth. Jun observes him, waiting for him to continue. Jun has known Satoshi long enough to know that he has a tendency to have very long pauses.

Satoshi is looking at something on the floor when he says “I am not looking for those things. If I were, then I would be asking a model to pose for me. But I’m not.” And then he looks at Jun. “Because, I want you.”  
   
~*~*  
   
Jun mulls it over and his friends know that something is up because Jun is uncharacteristically too uninvolved in the conversations during dinner. They are in a busy izakaya that can get too noisy for Jun’s liking. But it’s still early so the salarymen are only tipsy and not yet drunk.

“He’s thinking,” Aiba whispers loudly besides Nino. It was so loud that Jun, and the lady in the next booth could hear it.

“Ah! You’re so loud!” Nino complains, massaging his ear to ease the sudden discomfort. “I know he’s thinking. But about what? Did something happen at the shop?”

“Nothing in particular. Hmmm…” Aiba crosses his arm and concentrates. Aiba is at the shop a few hours, almost every day, to work. If there’s anyone who sees Jun most often, it would be him.

“I didn’t mess up the drinks this week. And there weren’t any accidents in the kitchen. And there haven’t been any customer complaints in months,” Aiba shares to Nino. Jun is perfectly aware of the conversation going on between his friends. And that he is the current topic of interest. But he doesn’t really have the urge to say anything. He is mulling things over and they know that he broods when he has to think about important things.

“And he still hasn’t gotten laid,” Aiba adds lastly, which earns him a kick on the shin from Jun.

“Oh look! He’s back! Welcome back, J.” Nino says, trying to stifle a laugh. Aiba is bent, trying to reach down the table to rub the painful spot on his leg.

“I’m sure there are other things you’d rather talk about than my current lack of sex, Aiba-chan,” Jun almost drawls.

“But you’re brooding again, Jun-pon. And you brooding usually spells a big something,” Nino leans over the table to look at Jun more closely. “The last time this happened, you had the entire shop renovated and changed the whole concept and menu, your ancestors must have turned in their graves.”

Jun snorts at this. “They did not. Ashes don’t ‘turn’,” Jun answers then shoves a piece of pickled ginger in his mouth. Aiba thinks it’s funny because he’s suddenly doubled over laughing. Or maybe he’s just a little bit drunk, Jun wonders.

“Again, that’s beside the point. You’re skirting around the issue, J. What’s going on?” Nino is not dropping the subject and Jun knows he won’t be able to avoid it for too long. Nino knows him too well. Twenty-three years is a long time to be friends with someone.

“Don’t worry, Nino. It’s nothing like that. Really, it’s fine,” Jun reassures his friends. He knows they mean well and he doesn’t have it in him to get upset about their nosiness.

“Hmmm. Okay, Jun-pon. If you say so. I’m just worried that the next time I see you, you’ll have shaved your head and I don’t think I’ll survive that,” Nino says with a barely there smirk that is very cute but also annoys Jun when it is directed at him. This makes Aiba go into another fit of laughter.

“I think you’re drunk, Aiba-chan,” Jun says and offers him a glass of water. “It’s not even eight in the evening! Here, drink this, because I am not carrying you home.”

But they do end up carrying Aiba home. Jun and Nino take either side of Aiba and help him “walk” to their apartment. It’s more like dragging than walking but it shakes up Aiba’s senses enough that by the time they reach the apartment, he can support himself enough to walk if he leans against the wall.

Jun joins them until the apartment’s front door, where he drapes Aiba on Nino. Nino complains and grumbles. “Next time, I am leaving you on the sidewalk, Masaki,” Nino threatens. But Jun knows how much Nino loves his best friend. Nino would probably carry Aiba by himself if he had to.

When Nino has Aiba in the genkan, Jun starts to move back out the door. “Bye Kazu. Bye Masaki. I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”

Nino looks up at him with a smile and a soft hum as an answer while he tries to slip off Aiba’s shoes. Jun only calls them by their first names when Jun is feeling particularly nice and warm inside.

Jun is almost out the door when he turns to Nino. “Get some water in him before he sleeps.”

“Thanks Jun. See you tomorrow,” Nino answers.

Jun closes the door as he sees himself out. Jun takes his time walking to his apartment, enjoying the last tendrils of the autumn air before the chill of winter comes.

_I want to draw you. I want you._

Satoshi’s words still ring in his ears and it makes his heart beat faster. Jun knows that his request is completely harmless and doesn’t have any innuendos. Satoshi will say what he means, no hidden meanings, no subtle insertions of different intentions in his words. And Jun knows that Satoshi appreciates it when people talk to him the same way.

_I need to think about it._

That was what Jun told Satoshi this afternoon. And he really intends to think about it. Jun isn’t even sure why he’s hesitating. It’s not really a problem. Jun knows how he looks. He knows his body and he knows his face. He doesn’t think he’s one of a kind but he knows that he can be attractive if he puts his mind to it. He’s had partners before and they seemed to really like his physical attributes.

But being a lover of artworks himself, Jun knows that it’s not just the physical aspect that matters. He’s always thought that there is this palpable intimacy when he looks at portraits. And he has always believed that it is because there is a real relationship, not necessarily romantic, between the subject and the artist.

And he’s not sure if he’s ready to explore that kind of intimacy. Or maybe he is but Jun is not sure if he should, at this time. _Since when did I become this indecisive?_

Jun sighs deeply and makes his way up to his apartment. He makes another sigh as he is about to open his door and almost screams when he feels a cold hand grab the back of his neck.

“What are you sighing about?”

“Mom!?” Jun clutches his chest and flattens his back against the door.

“Yes, it’s me. What are you sighing about?” Matsumoto-san asks again, rubbing her hands together.

“How long have you been standing there?” Jun straightens himself and tries to calm his breathing.

“I just got here, like you. I’ve been walking behind you since a block away. I was calling you but you didn’t hear me.” Matsumoto-san moves to put her hands on Jun’s cheeks and succeeds in making her son yelp.

“Why are you so cold?” Jun asks as he tries to maneuver they key into his doorknob while his mother’s hands are on his face.

“I forgot my gloves at home,” Matsumoto-san says and crouches down to greet Pee-chan with high-pitched greetings and scratches. Pee-chan shows her appreciation by laying belly up, showing off her swollen breasts and purring into his mother’s hand.

“She’s very sweet,” Jun says, crouching down beside his mother and waits for Pee-chan to approach him. Jun didn’t wait long and soon enough he has a bundle of Pee-chan demanding to be carried and cuddled.

“Oh, wow. She really likes you,” Jun’s mother looks at Jun with a wide smile. “You have your way with the ladies, Jun.” She winks at Jun and laughs when Jun scrunches his face. Both his parents and sister know Jun’s sexual orientation. But they still like to tease him about the girls who flirt with him.

“She just wants some time off away from her babies. Ever since they’ve discovered ‘play’, they’ve been bothering her all the time,” Jun explains to his mom between giving head kisses to Pee-chan.

“Hmmm. Of course,” Matsumoto-san says. Not long after, four little fluffy balls of kittens come running, chasing after each other with their stumpy legs.

Matsumoto-san laughs at their antics, takes out a new toy from her purse and crouches down to play with the little ones. Jun goes to the kitchen and attempts to prepare tea with Pee-chan still bundled in his arm.

“So, why were you sighing so loudly earlier?” Jun only slightly flinches in surprise. And gives a deep sigh.

“Mom, you are going to give me a heart attack,” Jun says and hands his mother a cup of tea.

“Oh, thank you, Jun-chan.” She takes the tea and sits down on one of Jun’s counter stools. “But please stop trying to dodge the question,” his mother says.

“I’m not. It’s just been a long day and I have a lot of things on my mind. That’s all.” Jun is not exactly lying. He’s just not telling her everything. She doesn’t need to know everything at this point.

His mother just nods and sips her tea, looking at Jun knowingly. Jun knows that his mother knows he’s not telling her everything. She’s always had that uncanny ability to figure out things about Jun even when he doesn’t say everything.

“Okay, Jun. Actually, I just came here to check on Pee-chan and the little ones,” she says and reaches down to pick up two of the kittens and puts them on her lap.

“I was going to ask you if you’d like to have them off your back. The other pregnant momma I had has already given birth and she and her babies already got adopted. So, I think Pee-chan would be okay now back in the house.”

Jun looks down at Pee-chan in his arms, already sleeping comfortably against Jun’s warmth. He looks up at his mom and she is smiling at him.

“But if it’s not much bother, we can wait until they are all neutered and ready for adoption,” she pauses and watches Jun’s reaction. “Since it would be very stressful for them to move to another place and get used to it again. I don’t think that kind of stress would be good for their well-being.”

Jun looks over the couch and watches the two other little ones playing with his throw pillows, biting and scratching. Jun loves those pillows but at that moment he couldn’t care less what those kittens do to them.

“Yeah, I don’t mind having them stick around for a while,” Jun clears his throat. “It’s no bother at all.” Jun slightly holds Pee-chan closer, running his fingers across her back, feeling the slight bumps of her spine.

“Really? That’s great, Jun-chan!” Matsumoto-san exclaims happily. She looks down on her lap and tickles the snoozing kittens. “Did you hear that? You get to stay here a bit longer with Papa Jun.” The two kittens gives her a couple of small meows and go back to their snoozing.

Jun gives a snort but feels all warm inside. His mother stays an hour or so to chat with Jun. She asks about Nino and Aiba. She asks about how the shop is doing and if their regular customers are still coming despite how Jun changed the entire place. She asks if Jun is seeing anyone and Jun hurriedly answers no. By the time his mother leaves, Jun is all too ready for sleep.

Later that night, when Jun feels several warm, soft, fluffy bodies settle beside him on his bed, he scoots a little to make room for them.  
   
~*~*  
   
“I want to show you something,” Satoshi says with hushed voice, like he’s about to reveal a secret. He is sitting at his spot: on a stool against the wall beside the counter. It’s not meant to seat customers but Satoshi insists.

“Sure, what is it?” Jun asks politely. He doesn’t want to come off too eager.

“Hmm. I kind of need you to come with me.” Satoshi scratches his head, realizing that he’s imposing too much on Jun. He looks around and sees that the store is still filled with people, so Jun most likely won’t be able to leave anytime soon.

“We close at six in the evening. Will that be okay? I mean if it’s not too far, maybe I can go there after I close the store.” There is a certain anticipation that fills Jun. This is the first time Satoshi offers to show Jun anything.

Jun has not forgotten Satoshi’s request. It’s been a couple of weeks and Jun feels thankful that Satoshi hasn’t pushed him about it. Satoshi is being very patient with him and he wants to show Satoshi that he’s also willing to go an extra step for him.

“Oh! That would be great! Here.” Satoshi hands Jun a card with a handwritten address and a name of the building. “Go here. Just tell the security you’re going to see me and they’ll let you in.”

Jun nods as he scrutinizes the card. There’s nothing there to say what kind of place it is. Jun knows the general area where it was but he’s not sure he recalls seeing this particular building.

“I’ll see you later!!” Satoshi waves excitedly at Jun and quickly moves to the door.

_Is he nervous?_

“Why is Oh-chan acting weird?” Nino says from behind Jun.

“I should have never given you that back door key.” Jun says, his heart beating fast from the scare Nino gave him.

“But you did, so there’s no taking it back.” Nino grabs the card from Jun’s hand before Jun can react.

“What is this?” Nino flips the card and sees nothing.

“Sato… Ohno-kun wants to show me something there. Maybe it’s his office. It’s nothing that important. Only if there’s time later. Depends if everything goes smoothly in the store.” Jun rearranges the rows of serving saucers he already arranged earlier.

Nino gives Jun a smirk and puffs a small laugh before handing the card back to Jun. “Jun, look at me.”  
Nino says it in such a serious tone, Jun has no choice but to look at his friend.

“It’s okay, Jun. You don’t need to justify anything. I am not going to judge you.”

“I know that. It’s just that I don’t really know what’s going on but…” Jun finds Satoshi very appealing and interesting.

“Jun, when you figure it out, then you can tell me. Or if you need help figuring it out, then you can tell me, too.” Nino is busy with his PS4, thumbs punching incessantly at the buttons. But Jun knows that Nino is listening and that he meant everything he just said.

“Thanks, Nino.”

“Sheesh, Jun. What are you going to do without me in your life?” This is Nino’s cue that he’s in his bantering mode again.

“Maybe earn extra from all the coffee and tea you won’t be drinking from my store. And finally get a fortune from all the sweets you won’t be eating for free here. And most likely live longer from the lack of exasperation I get from you.” Jun places a cup of iced black tea in front of Nino along with a plate of dorayaki.

Nino’s cheeks slightly pink and he mumbles a soft “Thanks Jun-pon.”  
   
~*~*  
   
Unfortunately for Jun, everything doesn’t go right during closing time. A bunch of university students just wouldn’t leave until quarter past six in the evening. They were short 3000 yen from the cash register. They were calculating and re-calculating, searching under the tables and counters for twenty minutes, until Aiba remembers that he used it to pay for the delivery because the delivery staff didn’t have any change. There was an extra box from their delivery today and they had to call it in with the courier company. It was an error and the courier will pick it up the next day. It was 8:03 pm when Jun finally locks the doors and waves goodbye to Aiba.

Jun looks at the card Satoshi gave him as he stands on the opposite side of the street of the building written there. It’s a brick-colored narrow building with around five floors. He flips it in his hand again and again and is about to walk away when he hears a distant but familiar voice.

“Jun-kun! You came!!” Jun looks up to see Satoshi waiving from an open window from an upper floor of the building. Jun waves back and can’t help but laugh when Satoshi waves even more frantically and gestures him to come in.

There is no front desk or reception but the security personnel greets him and instructs him to go to the fifth floor. The building itself doesn’t look old, but the design and structure, and the colors gives a vintage feel. When the elevator opens, no one is there. Jun hears a familiar melody and follows the sound. As he gets closer to the room at the end of the hallway, the words and melodies become more recognizable.

“Billy Jean, huh.” There is no door and so Jun knocks on the doorjamb. There is a makeshift genkan and he sees a pair of worn but clean slippers. Jun would recognize those slippers anywhere. “Satoshi-kun?”

“In here Jun-kun!”

Jun carefully removes his shoes and wears the only pair of slippers. It’s too big for him but it will have to do. The room is painted entirely in cream yellow, while the ceiling is a mosaic of glass and concrete blocks. There are large glass windows in all sides of the room with thin white curtains pulled to the side. The room is sparsely furnished. Jun sees a coffee table and a couch and a divider with shelves. It is clean but there are large framed paintings and sketches stacked several layers against the wall. There are cardboard boxes filled with more framed paintings. The walls themselves are bare but all other surfaces of the room have a canvas or frame on it, some wrapped in Manila paper, some with bubble wrap, others unadorned.

“Satoshi-kun?”

Jun sees a hand wave from the side of the divider and moves towards that direction. This part of the room is different. It’s also sparsely furnished with just a table and a couple of chairs. One wall is lined by floor to ceiling glass windows and the other is decorated by two paintings. One is of a man, half-naked with his back facing the audience, his jeans riding low to show the top of his butt, the muscles of his lean but toned body clearly shown. He has very sloped shoulders but he more than makes up for it with his nicely round and plump ass. The other painting is that of a seahorse, but when Jun looks closer, he sees that it’s actually made up of different drawings put together to look like a seahorse.

“I drew that for my first exhibit. Everyone got excited over that.” Satoshi is standing right behind Jun and he didn’t even notice.

Jun squints his eyes and looks at Satoshi. “Are you a ninja or something? I barely heard you come closer.” Jun looks at the painting again and thinks that it is an amazing work, and he tells Satoshi exactly that.

Jun looks at the other painting. “And this one?”

Satoshi starts to laugh. “I wanted to include that in my second exhibit. But Sho-chan wouldn’t let me.” Another laugh. There seems more to the story and Jun looks at the painting again and there’s something familiar about the profile of the man in the painting.

“Is this what you wanted to show me?” The first time Jun saw Satoshi, he knew that Satoshi was an artist. But he is only seeing now the extent of his talent and Jun is in awe. He looks back to Satoshi and sees an unassuming tanned man with small frame and slightly bad posture. He also sees the alertness in his sleepy looking eyes and the coiled energy just simmering beneath his skin.

“Ah! Well, not that exactly. Here, I’ll show you” Satoshi takes Jun’s wrist and pulls him towards a large framed canvas leaning against the far wall of the room draped with linen cloth. Jun didn’t notice it when he first came in.

Satoshi dramatically pulls the cloth with a “Tada!” and then turns just a bit shy when Jun stares wide-eyed at the painting.

“Pee-chan??” Right before Jun is an eight-foot painting of Pee-chan, with her four teeny tiny babies at her breasts. Her eyes are staring directly at him, so much detail that Satoshi even included his own reflection. Jun remembers Satoshi taking several pictures of Pee-chan and her babies the first time he met them in Jun’s apartment.

Satoshi nods and looks at his own painting and feels very proud how he captured that tender moment when Pee-chan was nursing her four black babies, their colors a beautiful contrast to their mother’s white and orange and patches of gray.

“Wow! This is amazing!” Jun moves closer to the painting, almost touching it but pulls his fingers back realizing that the frame has no glass.

“Thank you. I wanted to include this in my next exhibit. I mean, it’s my painting and all but she’s still your cat and those are her babies. So I was going to ask you if it will be okay…”

“Satoshi-kun, of course you can. This is amazing. It’s beautiful. You didn’t have to ask me for permission. I’m sure Pee-chan won’t mind at all.” Jun walks backwards, trying to see the entire painting from a different vantage point.

“Wow. This is really something,” Jun turns to Satoshi and sees him staring at him. He doesn’t point it out but it makes his heart beat faster nonetheless. “I don’t mean this in a bad way but, you really don’t look like a person who would paint something like this.”

Satoshi tilts to his side and puffs his cheeks, “What do you mean?”

Jun wonders if Satoshi knows how cute he is when he does that. He probably doesn’t and yet, it suits him so well like he’s practiced it a million times and found the best angle to tilt his head and the right puffiness he has to add to his cheeks.

“Nothing, I don’t mean anything much by it. Just that you are really really good at what you do.” Just then, they both turn their heads when they hear a soft rustle followed by “Satoshi-kun, it’s Sho.”

“We’re here, Sho-chan,” Satoshi calls back and walks slowly to the other side of the divider to meet Sakurai. Jun can see the two of them from the gaps between the shelves of the divider. Sakurai is holding a bunch of take-out bags and his usual attaché case, sans his formal jacket. The way Sakurai is holding his bag accentuates the sharp slope of his shoulder… then it clicks.

“Ehhhh!!!!” Jun couldn’t help but say it out loud, Satoshi and Sakurai hastily making their way towards him.

Jun is looking back and forth between Sakurai and the painting of the half-naked man on Satoshi’s wall. All the while his eyes becoming wider and wider, and then another “Eeeehhh!!???”

“Aaaah! I told you to not hang that one, Satoshi!” Sho is looking at Satoshi with a combination of embarrassment and annoyance. Satoshi responds by laughing so hard it makes his eyes water.

“But I love your butt, Sho-chan,” Ohno huffs out in between his snickers. Sakurai’s face is red and he is avoiding Jun’s eyes. Jun can only stare at Sakurai and keeps thinking that he never would have thought that ever prim and proper Sakurai Sho is hiding that body underneath all his formal shirts and slacks.

“Keep laughing Satoshi-kun and you’re not getting any of this take-out Chinese food!”

Satoshi immediately quiets and looks at Sakurai with big eyes. The contrast is so strange it makes Jun laugh out loud.

The other two look at him like he has gone mad but Jun knows he’s just being unnaturally affected by Satoshi’s ever changing facial expression. “Nothing! It’s nothing. You two are just funny.” Jun tries to compose himself down from the revelation that he has basically seen Sakurai’s butt crack. He addresses Sakurai calmly.

“It’s a great painting with a great subject,” Jun asserts.

Sakurai sighs and tells them that he bought enough take-out for three people. When Satoshi tries to pass before him he earns a good slap on his shoulder. This starts another fit of giggles from Satoshi and Sakurai stomps away.

“Sho-chan. Hahahaha~ Sho-chan wait. You never said anything about not hanging it in my own place. You just said not to hang it in public.” Satoshi hurries after Sakurai. Jun follows them and they pass by the hallway again to the opposite side. This part of the place looks more lived in than Satoshi’s studio. There is more furniture and little bits and pieces of things, signs that someone lives there.

Despite Sakurai’s threats, he did share the food with Satoshi and Jun. There’s an undeniable closeness between Sakurai and Satoshi and Jun feels slightly envious of that. Sakurai knows exactly what Satoshi is asking for when he says “Can you please pass that?” without Satoshi having to point at anything. Or when Sakurai casually pats Satoshi’s arm and Satoshi knows exactly what Sakurai means. Sakurai makes it a point to include Jun in their conversation, asking Jun about himself. But Jun can’t help but observe them more often than join in their conversation. At the end of their meal, Jun smiles to himself when he realizes that he has learned a lot about Satoshi just by watching him in his natural habitat.

So that night, when Jun is all tucked in bed, he makes a mental list of all the things he already knows about Satoshi. He is a very talented artist and not just some random Old Man who likes to paint roses. Satoshi loves food. Satoshi likes butts. He likes stories as much as he’s good at listening to them. He has old man jokes. He likes music but is really bad with titles. Sakurai says Satoshi is a remarkable singer and Jun would have to see that himself. He loves to sleep but wakes up early in the morning. He loves to fish. He loves to dance and is very good at it. Satoshi laughs easily. He is kind but stubborn. He makes Jun’s heart do some acrobatics.

Curiosity gets the best of Jun and he schedules one of his free mornings at the art gallery where they have Satoshi’s work. He moves leisurely, looking at the other exhibits before entering the room with “Ohno Satoshi” written before it.

Satoshi has various themes and mediums in his art. Jun sees some oils and watercolors, charcoals and oil pastels, along with some clay and wood works. Jun sees buildings and gardens, but mostly he sees people. Jun stays in the exhibit room for an hour, simply looking and trying to make sense of everything that he’s starting to learn about Satoshi. While there, he sees a couple of sales being made and wonders if Satoshi knows which of his works gets sold or not.

“He probably doesn’t even care about that,” Jun tells himself. He goes around once more, looking at each piece before leaving.

And walking home, finally, Jun makes his decision.

 

 

### (205) I hope you know that when I say “nice” I don’t mean expensive, I mean I hope what you own makes you happy, it doesn’t have to be a lot.*

   
Jun grinds his teeth. He’s been in this position for a long time already and his patience already reached quota hours ago.

When he said ‘Yes’ to Satoshi when he asked him again tonight with “Let me draw you,” Jun did not really know what to expect.

Satoshi said he’d try to be very quick.

But Satoshi’s definition of very quick turned out to be three hours. Jun had started out nervous but by the end of thirty minutes, he felt mildly annoyed. By the second hour he’s very annoyed. By the third hour, he was about ready to scream. Jun still can’t believe he said yes to this.

Despite his initial fear that he would be posing nude, Satoshi told him to pick his best, most comfortable skinny jeans. Still, he hesitated when Satoshi told him to take off his shirt. Sure, he knows he has nicely toned chest and abs, but it’s still awkward.

“Uhm… Jun-kun… you’re becoming tense… can you move your…”

“No, I can’t. I need to pee and I’m hungry and I’m cold. So, unless you’re asking me to move to get up, then the answer is no.” Jun isn’t even trying to hide his annoyance. He can’t feel his bottom from staying in one position for so long and he has been holding his pee for an hour already. Damn right he can be annoyed.

Satoshi seems to snap out of his trance and looks up to see Jun’s scowl. He looks at the large drawing paper in front of him, then at Jun, then at the charcoal pencil in his hand, then at the clock.

“Oh, you missed the last train.”

Satoshi had said it so matter-of-factly that Jun can almost hear himself screaming. “Yes, I missed it two hours ago.” Jun starts to get up and sees Ohno’s horrified look.

“Don’t look at me like that. I really need to pee. Unless it’s your thing to watch people pee their pants.” Jun looks down at his tightest, softest jeans and thinks that even if Satoshi does have a thing for that, he’s not going to ruin his favorite pair of jeans for Satoshi, no matter how much he’s attracted to him.

“Aaahh. Uhmm. But…” Satoshi looks at his sketch and then at Jun’s face and concedes. “Okay.” Satoshi then takes his time to stretch both arms, arching his back in the process and giving a big yawn. “The toilet is down the hall to your left,” he calls after Jun belatedly.

When Jun returns to Satoshi’s studio, he is not there. Jun hears a noise from the other side of the hallway and follows it, taking his shirt with him. What he sees there makes him laugh despite his state of semi-undress. Satoshi is seated cross-legged in front of the fridge, surrounded by stacks of microwavable food containers, scratching his head.

He looks back at Jun when he hears him.

“I’m hungry but Okaachan left too much food, I don’t know which one to heat up.” 

“And this is a problem?” Jun asks. How can too much food be a problem when you’re hungry?

Ohno gives a weak nod. “I don’t know which one to open for dinner. What’s your favorite food, Jun-kun?”

The question catches Jun off guard and he blurts the first thing that comes into his mind. “Crab cream croquette.” He’s loved it since third grade but kept telling everyone ‘Italian’ as his favorite during his university days. He sure had some serious image issues during his early twenties.

Satoshi smiles and chooses a large tub of something, sets it aside as he returns the other food containers one by one.

“It’s not exactly crab cream croquette, but… Tada!!!” Satoshi makes a show of opening the container to reveal stacks of big croquettes. “It’s minced chicken and potato croquette!!!”

“These are my favorite croquette! Let’s have dinner!” Satoshi is being too energetic despite the hour, Jun thinks.

“It’s one in the morning, Satoshi-kun,” Jun mumbles.

“Ah! Then, it’s a munch,” Satoshi says like it’s the most normal thing to say.

_“Munch?”_

“Midnight lunch.”

“You just made that up, didn’t you?” Jun moves in to help Satoshi with the cabbage salad.

“Un.” Satoshi makes a firm nod and then laughs when Jun just stares at him suspiciously.

It is half past one in the morning when they finally get to have their munch. Jun has to admit, the croquette is very delicious and he finds himself asking for another piece, and then another. This makes Satoshi very happy and brags about his mother’s cooking.

“It’s not that I can’t cook for myself. I actually enjoy preparing my food,” Satoshi starts while he gets another serving of Jun’s cabbage salad. “But ever since me and my sister moved out of the house, Okaachan gets worried that we can’t take care of ourselves and will starve to death.”

Jun nods in understanding. “Ahhh, I completely understand what you mean.”

“Right? But I think she’s just bored and misses having to cook for us. I don’t mind at all. I enjoy all the food.” Satoshi smiles at Jun when he remembers again that this is the best cabbage salad he has eaten in a while.

“What?” Jun asks, posed halfway eating another croquette.

“Your cabbage salad is delicious,” comes Satoshi’s muffled reply, his mouth full with said food.

Jun gives a tiny nod in thanks and looks down, a small smile playing on his lips. He still finds it hard to accept compliments and take it at face value. Jun knows that he’s good in the kitchen. He believes it when people tell him how good he is. It’s just not his personality to show it off. But with how Satoshi is enjoying his salad, Jun thinks that he loves watching people enjoy his food. It makes him happy, the kind that fills him with a different kind of warmth and satisfaction.

“Do you want to stay over?” Satoshi asks casually.

“Eh! What!?” Jun finds it hard to keep up with Satoshi’s casual heavy-punched questions.

“Ah! It’s nothing like that! It’s not an invitation for anything like that. I just thought that it’s late and you missed your train and that it would be better if you stay over and it will be safer.” Satoshi is looking at Jun with his big eyes and Jun has never seen him talk so fast before. It makes Jun laugh despite the awkwardness and Satoshi returns it with a wide smile. “I promise we won’t do anything you don’t like.”

“I know, but I need to be at the store early tomorrow,” Jun explains. And he’s not yet ready to stay over at Satoshi’s, even if it’s just to sleep. He has more than innocent feelings for Satoshi - Jun can admit that much.

Jun offers to help clean up but Satoshi shoos him away, telling him to head on home. Sure they are in a relatively safe part of the city but it’s still better if Jun gets home as fast as he can. Satoshi joins him at the corner of his block while Jun waits for his cab. It’s almost winter and they feel it in the way the cold seeps right in between their thick coats.

“Thanks for coming, Jun,” Satoshi breaks the silence. “Thank you, for letting me draw you.”

“But it’s not finished yet, right?” Jun avoids Satoshi’s eyes and keeps looking at the road, anticipating to see a pair of headlights to come towards them.

“No, it’s not finished yet.” Just then, the taxi comes into view and slowly stops in front of them. The door opens and Jun starts to move in. 

“Then, I’ll come again next time when you need me to.” The door closes and the cab drives away, leaving Satoshi standing there, staring after the tail lights, and processing what Jun had said. When he returns to his apartment, there is a bounce to his walk and a grin on his face.  
   
~*~*  
   
Jun yawns his hundredth yawn for the morning and it’s Nino’s cue to finally ask Jun.

“You seem very tired, Jun. Didn’t get enough sleep?” Nino is sitting on a stool beside the cash register, a set of trump cards in his hand, shuffling them over and over again.

“I slept kind of late,” Jun says, making it a point to avoid Nino’s stare. Nino’s eyes are too perceptive, too inquisitive. He’ll know. Jun isn’t expressly hiding it from Nino. Rather, he is not ready for Nino’s questions. So he is trying to not pique Nino’s curiosity too much.

Nino deliberately pockets his cards and turns the stool to face Jun. “Ah, I see. That’s weird Jun-pon, you usually don’t stay up too late when you know you have to be early the next day.”

“I was out eating with a friend. We got a bit carried away and I forgot to mind the time.” _Please don’t push this Nino. Please not yet._

Nino pushes his face near Jun’s and pouts. “Just worried for you Jun-kun. Maybe you should take a nap break when the morning rush ends,” Nino says softly.

Jun breathes a sigh of relief and finally looks at Nino. “Thanks, Nino. Maybe I should.”

Later, when Aiba starts his shift, Jun takes a short nap at the back room. He wakes up two hours later to the distant hum of voices leaking into the room through the closed door. Jun sits up on the bed and goes through the process of waking up. He re-orients himself and looks at his watch and partially opens the curtains to see if it is 1:10 in the afternoon or 1:10 in the morning. After washing his face and gargling some mouthwash, Jun makes his way into the store. It’s still too early for their usual afternoon rush and he sees only a few people milling about. There is a chorus of laughter and he sees Aiba, Nino and Sakurai at the counter sharing a plate of daifuku and dorayaki with their coffee.

He slowly approaches them and Aiba gives him a big wave like he has just arrived from somewhere else and not just sleeping out back.

“Sorry, Aiba-kun. I slept a bit too long. It was supposed to be just an hour,” Jun says as he starts to prepare his own coffee.

“No problem, Jun-chan. The crowd was manageable and you looked like you needed some rest,” Aiba says while chewing his way through a dorayaki.

Jun nods his thanks and speaks again only after getting his first sip of coffee. “You’re already here, Nino. Work finished early?”

“Yeah. I finished early. It’s not that I’m fast. The other people in the office are just too slow so they often do overtime,” Nino says. Jun doesn’t remember a time when Nino had to take overtime except that one time when half of his officemates called in sick and there was a deadline at the end of the week. Nino managed to submit the papers on time, but when his officemates came back, Nino didn’t go to work for two days. He declared to his boss that he had accumulated that much hours to offset two full working days, when he covered for his colleagues. His boss promptly stamped his request for his off days. 

Jun looks up again and watches Sakurai put an entire daifuku in his mouth. Jun waits until he has completely swallowed it before addressing him.

“It’s nice to see you again, Sakurai-san.” He has only seen Sakurai Sho in the presence of Satoshi, and so Jun finds it strange the Satoshi isn’t around.

Sakurai seems to read Jun’s thoughts and points at the corner of the room. “When I went to pick him up this morning, he was still hard at work on one of his paintings. He seemed energized for some reason.” There, on one of the long wooden benches is Ohno Satoshi, acclaimed artist, sleeping with his mouth open and softly snoring.

“But he basically slept through the meeting for his next exhibit and slept in the car on the way here and well, pretty much slept the entire time we were here.” Sakurai shakes his head and heaves a deep sigh. “And he was the one who insisted on coming here. He’s been craving for some warabimochi, he said.”

Jun hasn’t realized that he has been staring over where Satoshi is the entire time Sakurai was talking until Nino nudges him with a blunt finger against his side, which makes Jun yelp. The sound rouses Satoshi and he slips off the bench. The loud thump that follows makes everyone in the room cringe.

“That didn’t sound good,” is all that Aiba could say as Jun and Sakurai hurry to where Satoshi is. Satoshi greets them with a sleepy yawn, and a confused “Uh, what happened?”

Jun can only chuckle as he and Sakurai help Satoshi up and bring him to their table.

“You woke up on the wrong side of the bench,” Nino says in greeting to Satoshi, which Aiba finds very funny.

Satoshi only blinks at Nino and yawns while scratching his side.

“Hai! Oh-chan is still processing. Sorry everyone, but you have to wait for a while before we get a reaction from this one,” Nino comments, making Sakurai laugh good-naturedly.

Jun comes back with a mug of coffee and puts it in front of Satoshi.

“Sugar?” Satoshi asks, looking up sleepily at Jun, which Jun answers with a brief nod.

“Milk?”

Another nod from Jun.

A soft smile blooms on Satoshi’s face followed by a soft, “Thanks, Jun-kun.” Satoshi slowly wraps his hands around the mug and takes a tentative sip. “Delicious!”

This makes Jun smile as he goes back to the counter, which is why he doesn’t see the curious looks on Nino, Aiba and Sakurai’s faces. Or the funny way Aiba tries to unsubtly signal Nino with a kick on Nino’s foot. Or how Nino squeaks with the sudden pain. Or the smug smile Sakurai is giving Satoshi and the way Satoshi lightly blushes in response.

When Jun returns to the table with a pot of tea and a plate of warabimochi, everyone schools their faces and smiles at Jun in thanks for the tea and sweets. Jun still looks at them one by one as if he knows that something is up but shrugs and goes back to man the counter.

Aiba and Jun become busy when the afternoon crowd piles in. Jun doesn’t notice when Sakurai and Nino leave but the next time he takes a breather, he only sees Satoshi at his usual spot beside the counter. And he stays there until evening comes and it’s time for closing.

“Jun-chan, sorry you’ve been doing the closing all the time,” Aiba apologizes, already rushing to get his things ready.

“It’s okay Aiba-chan. Go on hurry, or you’ll miss your train,” Jun reassures Aiba. Aiba started night school at the start of the month. He’s been taking some courses to become a veterinary assistant for the past two years and this semester, he has both day and night classes.

Aiba looks at his watch and panics. “Ahhhh! Bye Jun-chan! Bye Oh-chan!” Aiba runs out of the shop and is soon out of sight.

“He’s fast,” Satoshi says while nibbling on a banana from Jun’s kitchen.

Jun nods and smiles fondly at the door. Jun hasn’t seen anyone work and try as hard as Aiba and he feels proud to have him as his friend.

“You’re not going to paint today, Satoshi-kun?” Jun asks casually. Satoshi has been in the shop all afternoon, most of the time doodling something in his sketch pad, or sometimes falling asleep while leaning against the wall.

“I will, tonight.”

Jun hums in response as he wipes down the wet patches on the counter and checking to make sure the display cabinets are all locked and that the temperature setting is still accurate.

“Jun-kun?” Satoshi asks tentatively.

“What is it Satoshi-kun?” Jun looks over to where Satoshi is sitting, sketch pad and pencil in hand.

“Will you let me draw you tonight?”

Jun feels his heart leap to his throat as he wills his body to act like he’s not shaken. Jun knows that he should have expected this. He did promise Satoshi that he will pose for him again as long as he needs to finish his drawing.

The silence is stretched as Jun thinks it over. He knows the long quiet gaps don’tbother Satoshi and Jun allows himself to calm down before answering.

“Yes.”

Jun hears Satoshi take a deep breath and it makes him smile a little, knowing that somehow Satoshi is also nervous about this. _Good._ Jun thinks it would be a bit unfair if he’s the only one deeply affected by all this.  
   
~*~*  
   
They have dinner at Jun’s place. Satoshi helps cook the rice and miso soup, while Jun prepares the broiled vegetables and grilled fish. While waiting, Satoshi plays with Pee-chan and her babies. Jun hears Satoshi give each kitten a name and Jun outright laughs.

“I think you’re a Sho-chan, since you like to eat so much. Oi, give your mama a break, will you? Is that a sloping shoulder I see there? And you, you look like you can be very snarky but you’re actually very sweet, huh. Very sweet. You must be a Kazu-chan.” Jun hears a chorus of small meows in answer.

“And this little one, you’re so energetic! Woah! Don’t climb there! Wait!”

Jun hears a soft thud and a scrambling of tiny legs. “I think you’re a Masa-chan! Definitely a Masa-chan,” Satoshi coos.

“And you, you’re just sleeping there the entire time, aren’t you. You can’t be bothered to play, huh. You are definitely a Sato-chan.” Jun hears Satoshi chuckle at hearing his own name that way.

“Ah, but you’re a girl! Hmm… Satoko-chan it is!” Satoshi declares.

“Do you like their names, Pee-chan? I think it suits them,” Satoshi declares. He must be talking to the mother cat and Jun can hear the answering purrs.

Sometimes, Jun feels guilty for being away from home most of the day while the kitties are around. Although he knows they sleep most of the day away, he tries his best to come home during lunch to play with them and clean the litter box and leave some food for Pee-chan. His mother comes in the afternoon or at the early evening to check in on them and play with them. But Jun knows that the kitties don’t mind his schedule at all.

“Satoshi, dinner is ready,” Jun calls out from the kitchen.

Satoshi appears with all four kittens in his arms and Pee-chan walking calmly behind him.

“Can they join us?” Satoshi asks, giving each head a soft kiss.

“Sorry, they’re not yet weaned. This is a purely adult only dinner,” Jun answers, a tiny smile playing on his lips.

“Aaaawww. Too bad little ones,” Satoshi says as he slowly puts them down beside their mother. “Ah look, mama is here to feed you,” Satoshi says as they run to their mother. When he stands up, Jun is giving him a weird look and Satoshi answer with an equally perplexed look on his face.

“Why do we end up talking like that to babies, both humans and non-humans?” Satoshi asks.

“Eh?” Jun is not prepared for the question and he hasn’t really thought about it. _Why does Satoshi ask really unusual questions?_

“Hmmm. Not sure. Maybe it’s just how we are wired as humans,” Jun answers, motioning for Satoshi to wash his hands. “What do you think?” Jun asks back.

Satoshi shrugs, “I don’t know.” Jun watches Satoshi and it makes Jun wonder what exactly it is about this man that intrigues him so much. When Satoshi looks back at him and tilts his head, as if asking what is going on, Jun can only shrug back.

They stare at each other a minute too long and end up chuckling. The moment passes and they proceed to eat their dinner.

Jun is showered with Satoshi’s different versions of “delicious” and “amazing” and it makes Jun too happy. When they are done, Satoshi insists that he does the dishes and shoos Jun away to play with his furry friends. And at eight in the evening, they walk together to Satoshi’s studio.

This time, Jun feels more relaxed, knowing exactly what to expect. He feels comfortable enough to ask Satoshi if he could crank up the heater a little bit more – being shirtless for three hours even with the heater on can get pretty cold according to Jun.

He changes into the same jeans he wore the night before and starts removing his shirt. When Jun emerges out from his shirt, he sees Satoshi staring at his body and Jun pushes his tongue against his cheek to stop himself from smiling.

“Ahem!” Jun clears his throat, which succeeds in getting Satoshi’s attention. And when Satoshi looks up at his face, Jun sees something in his eyes that is far from embarrassed about getting caught staring.

Satoshi directs Jun on how to sit, looking every so often at his sketch from the night before to make sure that he gets the position as similar as possible. And when he is satisfied, he begins.

The change in Satoshi is so palpable Jun wonders if Satoshi would even hear him if he calls out. His eyes darken, his face set in a serious line. The slouch of his back becomes more prominent. Now that all of his concentration is in his art, it seems like he powers down all other parts of him that don’t need his energy. When he looks over his way, Jun feels that Satoshi sees a different Jun, a Matsumoto Jun that the person himself probably cannot see. 

Jun watches this different Satoshi unfold in front of him. Satoshi painting is like Satoshi dancing. There is a fluidity in Satoshi’s movements, his fingers, his hands, his arms, his torso. And finally Jun appreciates that it’s not just the subject who has to show his vulnerability to the artist for him to be drawn. The artist himself has to open himself, allow himself to be defenseless in these moments – when all of his concentration, his energy is in his work. Jun feels his skin prickle at the idea that this may be Satoshi in his most vulnerable. And he is showing it to Jun.

Jun was too nervous and maybe just a little annoyed last night to notice it. But this time he does. And time passes without Jun noticing it. He has been so absorbed with Satoshi that he doesn’t realize that three hours have passed and he did not even had the chance to get bored. The silence is only broken when an incessant ringing reminds him of where he is and why he is there.

Satoshi also seems to wake up from his trance and looks around to see where the noise is coming from. When he recognizes the ring tone, he shuffles to the table at the far end of the room.

“Ah, Mamuro, hello. Yes, it’s me,” Satoshi stumbles on his words as he answers the phone and Jun smiles at this. It’s unbelievable how he stumbles upon such short lines, yet Jun finds it adorable.

Jun looks at the time and sees that it’s past eleven in the evening and he will probably miss his train. He looks over at Satoshi and sees him giving a series of nods followed by some humming. Satoshi turns to him and gives him a small smile.

Jun smiles back and Satoshi’s stare lingers a little bit too long that Jun feels himself blush. 

“Okay, I’ll pass by tomorrow. Say goodnight to Kaa-chan for me. Goodnight.”

Jun hears a movement behind him and turns back to see Satoshi just an arm’s span away.

“You’re going home now?”

“It’s late. I think you were able to draw a lot today.” It was more of a question than a statement and Satoshi answers him with a nod, all the while looking at him. Why is Satoshi looking at him like that? Jun wonders if he has something on his face because Satoshi’s eyes are honing on his lips and then his nose and then his eyes and back again.

“Is there something on my face?” Jun finally asks.

“Hmm? Nope.”

“Then why are you staring?”

At this Satoshi smiles, that slow smile that starts at the left edge of his lips and spreads to the rest of his mouth. Satoshi’s eyes wrinkle at the sides along with his smile and Jun is torn between getting annoyed at him or kissing that grin away from his face.

Jun must have said it out loud because Satoshi answers him with “I prefer the kiss.”

And before Jun realizes it, he feels soft lips on his and warm hands on his face and hip. Jun doesn’t resist but he doesn’t respond back, either. He is reeling from the sensations of soft and moist and warm lips on his and the surprisingly strong hold he feels on his cheek and hip.

Satoshi pulls back a little and Jun acutely misses the warmth. He chases after him and when their lips meet, Jun answers back with a sweep of his tongue, and he is rewarded with a soft mewling sound from Satoshi. The sound sends tingles along Jun’s spine and spreads to his arms.

When they pull back for air, Jun has Satoshi against his work table, some of Satoshi’s brushes and paints strewn on the floor. Jun can’t remember how they got there but it feels nice to have Satoshi underneath him. Satoshi’s lips are wet and slightly swollen and Jun gives in to the temptation to touch them, his thumb softly brushing his plump lower lip.

“Jun.”

“Hmm?”

Satoshi tucks a stray lock of hair away from Jun’s face and gently presses his lips against his now bare forehead. The tenderness of the moment makes Jun’s heart skip faster, much more than it did earlier. And when their eyes meet, he sees Satoshi smile and steal another peck at the tip of Jun’s nose.

“Hello,” is all that Satoshi says.

And it makes Jun laugh softly.

“’Hello’ isn’t what people usually say in moments like this.”

“I think ‘Hello’ is perfect,” Satoshi says with a pout and Jun has to hold himself back not to dive in for another kiss. He needs to slow down. He didn’t come here expecting this to happen and he never thought Satoshi would respond this way.

“Well then, hello to you, too,” Jun says, realizing he’s still practically on top of Satoshi. When he tries to move away, Satoshi complains with a soft “No” to which Jun can only chuckle.

“I think I said I needed to go home,” Jun says, not moving another inch off Satoshi.

Satoshi smiles up at him and nods, and they both move to straighten themselves up.

Satoshi walks him to the corner of his block, they wave goodbye and say their ‘see you’s.

When Jun reaches home, Pee-chan and the kittens greet him with their meows and the torn toilet paper pieces strewn on his living room floor.

“Now, how did that get there, huh?” Jun asks softly, gently rubbing each of his welcome party members. “I’m gonna have to ground all of you.”

They answer him with soft purrs and gentle head bumps. “But I won’t ‘cause you are all being very persuasive.”

Pee-chan climbs on his lap as Jun sits cross-legged on the floor and settles at the hollow between his legs. “Ne, Pee-chan, he kissed me,” Jun says all too softly and Pee-chan answers him with the softest meow.

“You do? Yeah, I think so, too,” Jun whispers. “I think I like him, too.”

 

 

### (28) I hope you have a friend you stay friends with forever.*

   
“Something happened, Jun. I don’t know what it is but something happened and you are going to tell me whether you like it or not.”

Nino is seated on a stool in front of Jun while Jun prepares the display of sweets for the day. He had given himself a pep talk this morning in front of the mirror, telling himself to school his face so that he won’t give anything away. But Nino has always known Jun’s subtle expressions and Jun mentally curses Nino for his sharp eyes.

“Okay fine, ignore me. But you know that I know something’s up and I am not going to stop bothering you until you tell me.”

Jun sighs loudly and looks up at Nino with a suspiciously calm face.

“Nino.”

“Jun.”

“Please.”

“At least tell me this. Is it a good thing?”

Jun nods.

“You’re not hurting or worrying or brooding or anything like that?”

Jun shakes his head.

“Will you tell me eventually?”

Jun smiles at Nino and gives a nod.

“Okay, good. Now, give me some coffee for all that worrying you caused me just now.”

Jun laughs at this and gets Nino his coffee – black and piping hot.

“Thanks, Nino.”

The door opens and Jun automatically greets with a “Welcome to Matsumoto’s!”

“Ah, Sho-chan! Good morning!” Nino greets the new comer.

“Hi Nino. Good morning Matsujun,” Sakurai greets them. Jun wonders how often Sakurai and Nino and Aiba have been hanging out. The Matsujun can only come from his friends and Sakurai casually using it this way is very interesting. It doesn’t bother Jun at all but it makes him curious.

“Hello, Sakurai-kun, what can I get you today?” Jun asks, knowing Sakurai will ask for a latte.

“I’ll have a latte and a strawberry daifuku, please,” Sakurai says excitedly, pulling another stool and sitting beside Nino at the counter. When Jun had the counter added near the display, he never meant for it to be used this way. But Jun thinks that the way his friends are using it is perfectly fine, too.

When Jun serves the coffee and daifuku to Sakurai, he gives Jun a knowing look and Jun realizes that Sakurai knows.

Jun blushes and Sakurai gives him a tiny smile, the kind that one would miss if Jun hadn’t been looking this close.

“Thank you, Matsujun,” Sho says naturally and the moment passes.

“Why are you so early, Sho-chan?” Nino asks, picking up the strawberry daifuku and giving it a tiny bite before putting it back on the small plate in front of Sakurai. Jun watches it happen and sees that Sakurai is not even fazed by Nino’s actions.

“I just finished a meeting near the area and I thought I’d pass by to say hello.” Sakurai doesn’t even take another breath before stuffing his mouth with the strawberry daifuku.

“Ah, that’s amazing Sho-chan,” Aiba says from behind Jun. “You can fit the entire thing in your mouth.”

Sho nods enthusiastically in agreement.

“This is really good!” Sakurai exclaims, his mouth still full.

“Thank you, Sakurai-kun,” was all that Jun could say.

“Don’t talk with your mouth full, Sho-chan,” Nino chimes in.

“Ah! A piece of daifuku flew from your mouth, Sho-chan,” Aiba says, pointing at the stray daifuku on the counter.

Sakurai quickly picks it up, his cheeks full, trying to swallow the daifuku in one go. Nino is scolding Sakurai while Aiba cheers him on, and the entire scene is just too unbelievable it makes Jun laugh out loud.

Sakurai stays in the store way after Nino has left to go to his office, browsing through his phone, sending and answering e-mails, and sometimes, even taking out some documents. When the morning crowd thins, Sakurai clears his throat to get Jun’s attention.

“Hey, Matsumoto-kun, can I ask you something?”

Jun turns his attention to Sakurai and takes a deep breath. Jun had an inkling that Sakurai would want to talk to him, but knowing that doesn’t mean that Jun is prepared for it.

“Sure, Sakurai-kun.” Jun puts down the dish cloth and takes a stool to sit beside Sakurai, waiting. Jun sees him fidget a little and Jun thinks this is the first time he’s ever seen Sakurai nervous.

“I know…” Sakurai starts then stops. He clears his throat and tries again.

“I hope you don’t think that I am being meddlesome but I know that there’s something that’s…. you know…” Sakurai makes some circular motion with his hands which slightly confuses Jun.

“Eh? What…” Jun copies the circular motion.

“It’s… Why is this so hard?” Sakurai sighs, before straightening his back and looking at Jun.

“To put it bluntly, you and Satoshi-kun are attracted to each other, right?”

Jun is not exactly surprised by the question. Yes, there is attraction there, Jun won’t deny that. But he really can’t say to what extent Satoshi thinks of him.

“Uhm… I can’t really answer for Satoshi-kun… but well, for me…” Jun gives a tiny nod. “I suppose you can say that, yes, I am attracted to him.”

“I see. Thank you for your honesty.” Sakurai then looks at the countertop, drawing patterns on it with his fingers.

“Are you going to warn me about not hurting him and all that because, really, it was one kiss?” Jun pauses. “And I made sure to properly keep my tongue inside my mouth at first, but he was insistent.”

Sakurai chokes on his tea and struggles to regain his breath amidst the coughing fit that follows. Jun offers him a glass of water which Sakurai gladly takes.

“I didn’t really need all those details,” Sakurai says. “But thank you for your honesty. Just next time, the timing. Please say it before I drink anything.”

Jun smiles smugly.

“Yeah, that serves me right for asking,” Sakurai says with no regret in his voice.

Jun chuckles at this. “Sorry, I couldn’t help it.”

Sakurai laughs softly with him, and when that bit of awkwardness passes, Jun turns to Sakurai with a serious but calm face.

“I don’t know what else to tell you, Sakurai-kun. I don’t know where it is going. We’re just starting to feel our way.”

“I have to apologize, Matsumoto-kun. I suppose I got a bit too ahead. It’s just that, it’s been a while since I’ve seen Satoshi-kun smile like the way he smiles at you.”

At this, Jun turns his head to look at Sakurai to see if there is any trace of jest on his face, but he sees none.

“Satoshi-kun is an unconventional and stubborn man. And at times it may seem like he doesn’t care, but he does. He really does. So, please be patient with him. Give him time to show himself to you.” 

Sakurai is looking at Jun earnestly and Jun blushes at the implication of Sakurai’s words – that Sakurai believes enough that Jun will have that patience for Satoshi. That Satoshi’s feelings are deep enough that he will bare himself to Jun. That Sakurai sees something special in the way Satoshi interacts with Jun. That there is more.

Jun is lost for words and Sakurai can’t expect him to have any.

They spend a few more minutes in companionable silence, punctuated every so often by the clinking of the utensils and Aiba’s soft humming from the kitchen.

Sakurai eventually leaves, saying his goodbyes to Aiba and Jun with a huge smile. But that was more likely because of the sandwich Jun packed for him. Jun made extras when he made his and Aiba’s lunch.

At three in the afternoon, Satoshi arrives just as the afternoon crowd starts to fill in the store. Jun has his eyes furrowed and has a sweater in hand by the time Satoshi settles himself beside the counter.

“Hi, Jun-kun.” Jun gives the sweater to Satoshi and he receives a questioning look.

“Hi Satoshi-kun. Please wear this,” Jun says as he looks over Satoshi’s choice of clothes for the day – sneakers, sweatpants and faded black T-shirt.

“But I’m not…”

“It’ll feel nice, I promise.”

Satoshi gives a small pout before taking the sweater and putting it on. It’s Jun’s and his frame is much bigger than Satoshi’s. With the size and the thick, soft material, Satoshi looks like a child in adult’s clothes.

“Comfy. Warm.” Satoshi sniffs the sweater. “Smells like you, Jun-kun. Thank you. It does feel nice.” Satoshi says so softly that only Jun hears it.

Jun nods and offers Satoshi “What would you like today?”

“I want Jun-kun.”

Jun can hear Aiba sputtering at the other end of the counter and Jun wants to both kiss Satoshi and smack his head for his all too unnecessary statements.

“I can only offer a cup of tea and a plate of warabimochi at this time. Take it or leave it.”

Satoshi softly laughs at this. “I’ll take it.”

Jun is sure Aiba is doing some live report to Nino, with the way his fingers are working on his phone. He’ll surely hear from Nino soon enough.  
   
~*~*  
 

The following weeks, it has become a routine for Jun to see Sakurai, Aiba and Nino chatting while having snacks in the morning just as the morning rush thins out. Sometimes Satoshi joins them but most of the time, Satoshi comes in the afternoon and sits beside the counter, doodling or drawing, or snoozing, until closing time. Sometimes he leaves by himself, sometimes he waits for Jun and they leave together.

Sometimes Satoshi spends his time at Jun’s apartment. They would play with Pee-chan and the kittens, or Jun would read some passages from his book while Satoshi listens. Sometimes Jun would go to Satoshi’s place and have Satoshi cook him dinner, or spend a few hours watching Dragon Ball Z DVDs.

Jun poses for him a couple more times, when Satoshi gets the urge to work on his drawings. Those nights always end up with Jun and Satoshi making out on Satoshi’s couch, but never more.

And Jun wants more. There is a desire growing stronger with each time they spend together. Jun would make his kisses deeper and longer, his touch bolder, but Satoshi can’t seem to get the unspoken message from Jun. It frustrates him.

“What is frustrating you?”

Jun yelps when he feels something cold on his face. Nino has put his mug of cold beer beside Jun’s cheeks and is now looking at Jun with intense curiosity.

“What was that for?” 

“I’ve been talking for five minutes now and I get no single reply from you but a few mumbles and a faraway look. What is going on?” Nino complains.

They are in a busy izakaya, settled at one of the corner tables, premium location according to Nino. It’s Friday night and Nino wanted to celebrate the end of another week by drinking his weight in alcoholic beverages.

Jun drinks his own beer, gulping it in one go to give himself more time to think before he has to answer Nino.

“Well?” Nino prompts Jun.

“Pee-chan and the kittens got neutered and spayed today. They are going to be adopted into their new homes by next week.”

Nino looks at Jun’s expression and pours more beer in his mug. “Congratulations, Jun-kun! On your first successful fostering.”

Jun feels absolutely terrible.

“I don’t know how my mother survives this each time.” Jun gulps through his second mug of beer.

“Then, would you rather keep all five of them?” Nino asks, bluntly laying down his options for Jun.

Jun shakes his head. “I won’t be able to take care of them as well as I would ideally like to.”

“Then it is good thing, isn’t it? That they all get to go to families who can take care of them and love them?”

Jun sighs, “Yes it is.” Jun lifts his mug and toasts with Nino. “Congratulations!” Jun smiles, his first genuine one tonight.

“And?” Nino prods.

“And what?”

“I know there’s something else in that pretty head of yours. So spill.”

“Satoshi-kun…” Jun starts. And then stops. He tries to organize his thoughts, tries to figure out what it really is that has been simmering at the back of his mind about Satoshi. And then it hits him.

“I don’t know how Satoshi feels about me.” Saying it out loud makes Jun realize how much that fact bothers him.

“He never really says anything. And the not knowing bothers me, not all the time. And not all that much. Just sometimes. And just a little. Because I don’t know if he likes the things we do together or not. Or if he even likes me.” Hearing himself talk right now makes Jun blush. He knows he sounds like a teenager rather than a fully grown man, but he’s glad to have it out of his system.

“So what does he tell you?” Nino asks. And the question stumps Jun. What things does Satoshi tell him?

“He tells me fishing stories. And some of his drawings when I ask him about it. He calls his father by his first name Mamoru. And the music he likes.”

Jun looks at the mug of beer in his hand. “Sometimes he tells me about what he did for the day but most of the time he doesn’t have to because he has paint all over his clothes and sometimes his face.” Recalling this brings a smile to Jun’s face. There was a time Satoshi came to the store with a splash of red paint on his left cheek which earned stares from the other customers. Satoshi didn’t even bother to remove it even when Jun pointed it out.

“And what do you tell him, Jun?”

Jun can only stare at Nino. Nino is looking at him with kindness in his eyes – no judgment, just curiosity.

“I read him books.” Nino laughs and Jun laughs with him.

“I need some context to this because just now, you made it sound like Oh-chan is illiterate.”

Jun laughs again. “It’s… It’s just that one time he saw some of my books at home and asked me about them. I told him he could borrow to read them but he said he doesn’t really like to read. He said he hates kanji. And maybe that I could read it to him instead.”

Nino only replies with another laugh.

“I don’t read everything! Just some passages which I particularly like.”

“This is amazing, Jun, that you even have the patience for that,” Nino says, face still smiling but also with hints of seriousness.

“I know. I can’t believe it myself.” Jun pauses for a bit, trying to get back to his train of thought, and Nino waits for him to continue.

“I tell him about you and Aiba-chan.” Nino positively beams.

“I tell him about the things I like. I tell him that I think he is amazing.” Jun smiles wistfully at this.

And just as fast, Jun suddenly has a somber look on his face. “I think he is amazing.”

Jun looks up and sees Nino staring at him, still waiting for him to continue.

“I think he likes me. I mean… I think he likes me but I think it’s just because he likes the aesthetics of me.” Jun sees Nino’s left brow go up like he has never seen before.

“Excuse me? You have to explain this to me, Jun-kun.” Nino raises his hand as if to stop Jun in his tracks.

“Satoshi-kun likes pretty things. And interesting things that aren’t necessarily pretty but are well, interesting like flat-faced pugs.” Jun is gesturing with his hands as if it will help Nino understand. The look on Nino’s face says it doesn’t.

“I am not saying that I look really good. I suppose I look ‘normal’ good. But…” Jun takes a deep breath.

“I’ve been posing for Satoshi. He said that he wanted to draw me.” Nino’s mouth opens and it stays that way until reaches over to close it for him.

“Sometimes, I can’t help but think that he’s only interested in me because of that.”

There. He said it. Jun finally says the one thing that he’s tried to keep under the surface all this time. His one true complex – the fear that people will never see anything worthy beyond his looks.

“Okay, look,” Nino starts with a serious face, taking a swig from his beer before looking straight into Jun’s eyes. “I need you to return the real Jun-kun right now. Because I would have never pegged Jun to be this stupid.”

Nino’s words are scathing but he maintains his unruffled facial expression.

“Jun, you know that you are more than your looks. Don’t insult yourself. And don’t you think it’s a huge insult to Oh-chan if you think that he is the kind of man who will go to such great lengths to delude you just to get you to pose for him?”

Nino doesn’t look angry but Jun can feel that he is mildly annoyed. 

“I mean you’ve got to give him props for befriending your friends and spending time with you almost every day just for that reason.” Nino sighs and moves to sit beside Jun.

“Jun.” Nino says it so softly, Jun can only hear it because Nino is encroaching in his space.

“Have you been working out again? Your shoulder is becoming bulkier.” Nino lays his head on said shoulder.

“Hmm… a little bit.” Jun relaxes his shoulders and slightly tilts his head to allow for Nino to rest his head.

“I really like him, Nino.”

“I know.”

Just then, Jun recalls his conversation with Sakurai a few weeks back. He asked Jun to be patient with Satoshi, to give him time to show the true Satoshi. Maybe Jun can be a bit more patient.

Jun doesn’t say anything else and he knows that Nino doesn’t expect him to.

They get drunk that night, Jun and Nino egging each other on to drink more. By two in the morning, Toma, the izakaya owner, had to call Aiba to take his friends home.

The next time Jun wakes up, he is in his bedroom, naked except for his boxers. Beside him on his bed is Nino, also shirtless and snoring and on the other side of him is Aiba, fully clothed in what looks like Jun’s pajamas.

Nino slowly opens his eyes, squinting at the sudden brightness. Nino’s gaze falls on him and Nino frowns.

“I hate you.”

“Ugh. I hate you, too.”

They later have breakfast, Nino mostly picking at his food rather than eating, drinking his black coffee with the same fervor he did his beer the night before. Aiba complains about how bothersome Jun and Nino were the night before and Jun thanks him with larger servings of omurice. They take turns to shower and they leave Jun’s apartment together, all wearing Jun’s clothes.

Jun spends the rest of the day in the store, chugging glass of water after another, in an attempt to recover from his hang-over. In the afternoon, Satoshi arrives with Sakurai. Satoshi’s eyes go wide when their eyes meet while Sakurai snickers.

“Please don’t say anything,” Jun pleads.

“What happened to you?” Satoshi asks.

Jun and Satoshi talk at the same time and Sakurai finds this too funny. He laughs heartily, almost doubling over and Aiba comes running from the kitchen to see what the ruckus was all about.

Jun sighs and resumes his inventory of their stocks. All of his regular customers had given him unusual looks this morning but none ever said anything. Jun knows exactly how he looks: red, puffy eyes, huge eye bags, paper pale lips and sallow skin. Jun swears never to get into a drinking battle with Nino ever again.

Satoshi and Sakurai sit in their usual spot in front of the counter, while Aiba takes their orders. And then he is whispering something to Sakurai and Satoshi. Jun is almost certain what he’s telling them but he doesn’t really care anymore. He still feels awful despite all the water he’s been drinking since morning.

Satoshi takes out his small sketch notebook and begins drawing something. Sakurai only looks at it for a moment before training his eyes on Jun.

“I know nothing I say will make you feel better but I still want to say that you look horrible.”

Satoshi snickers beside Sakurai but stops promptly when Sakurai elbows him.

“Thanks, Sakurai-kun.”

“You’re welcome.”

Satoshi then recovers from his earlier amusement and smiles at Jun softly. “You look cute.”

Jun feels his face warm but says “Thank you, Satoshi-kun,” nonetheless.

A few minutes later, Nino comes in and Jun curses when he sees him.

“Such filthy language, Jun-pon.”

“How are you not hung-over?”

“I was. I just recover faster than you. Don’t sweat it J. It’s in the genes.” Nino pulls over another stool and sits to the left of Satoshi.

“Hi, Oh-chan,” Nino chimes, anchoring his chin on Satoshi’s shoulder.

“Hi, Nino-chan,” Satoshi replies without looking up from whatever it is he’s drawing.

Jun can almost hear the clogs working inside Nino’s brain but when Jun meets his eyes, there is a softness there and Jun mouths a ‘thank you’ to Nino.

Satoshi waits for Jun, spending most of the time drawing, and takes breaks by chatting with Jun or Aiba. And when it’s time to leave, Jun invites him over his apartment.

“My mother is bringing home the cats tonight,” Jun tells Satoshi as they are walking out of the store.

“Where were they?”

“They had neuter and spay surgeries.”

When Satoshi tilts his head in question, Jun has to explain the whole thing.

“They remove their little bits??!!” Satoshi says in shock, his hands unconsciously reaching down between his legs as if to protect his own bits. Jun laughs at this and Satoshi blushes when he realizes what he had just done.

“Yes, they remove their little bits. But it’s to make sure that there will be no more kittens thrown or abandoned.” Jun tries to explain to Satoshi. “Sadly, not everyone can be as lucky as Pee-chan.”

Satoshi nods, “Pee-chan is lucky, ne.”  
   
~*~*  
   
“How did you meet our little Jun-chan?”

“Mom, I’m not little anymore,” Jun says loudly from the kitchen.

“But you’re still my Jun-chan. So let us be and let Satoshi-kun here answer,” Jun hears his mother reply.

When Jun got home, he didn’t expect to see his mother already there, with Pee-chan and the kittens enthusiastically ransacking his living room. He introduced Satoshi and his mother, and now, they are at the other room and it seems like Jun’s mother is set on interviewing Satoshi.

“Ah, I met him at the daifuku store, Matsumoto-san. I frequently go there and also got to meet Nino-chan and Aiba-chan.”

“Eeeee~ So, you know them, too! That’s wonderful. Isn’t it Jun-chan?”

“Yes, it is, mom.” Jun says as he walks in the room and serves the tea and a plate of small sandwich squares.

“Ah, it’s cute,” Satoshi says, picking up one and promptly puts it in his mouth. “Ah, it’s delicious!”

“Isn’t it, Satoshi-kun?” Matsumoto-san proudly says. “Jun-chan here is pretty talented in the kitchen. He got it from his father’s side of the family. Thank goodness! My side of the family couldn’t even properly boil water for tea! But I didn’t tell my husband that or his parents would have never let my blood taint the family heritage.” Matsumoto-san bursts into laughter, loud enough that it startles the kittens from their sleep. Her hand lightly taps Satoshi’s shoulder every so often and Satoshi laughs with her but Jun could see that amusement in his eyes and know that it’s more because of Jun’s mother than the story itself.

Jun is too pre-occupied with watching Satoshi’s reactions that he doesn’t see the way his mother’s eyes widen and the way a grin starts to plays on her lips.

“Ne~ Satoshi-kun did Nino ever tell you about that time when Jun-chan was in first year high school?”

“No, I don’t think Nino-chan ever has.”

“Mom, please no.”

“Well, let me tell you this one time…”

“Mom, please stop.”

“Shush, Jun-chan and let me finish.”

Jun whines and slaps his forehead.

“Jun-chan was in his first year high school that time….”

In the future, if someone ever asks him what he recalls of that moment, he’ll say all he remembers is the ringing of his mother’s and Satoshi’s laughter.

 

 

### (242) I hope you get what you deserve and that what you deserve, is love. *

 

“It wasn’t so bad, really.”

Aiba and Sakurai simply nod while piling the table with bottles of beer and plates of meats and sushi.

“I’m okay.”

Nino puts a hand on Jun’s back and keeps it there to comfort his friend.

“Really, guys, no need for all this.”

Satoshi scoots closer to Jun and hums a soft tune to him.

They are in Nino and Aiba’s apartment and Aiba called for a drinking party “to support Jun-chan in this time of great emotional turmoil”.

“You are all overreacting.”

Sakurai places a large glass filled with beer in front of Jun and a dish of anago sushi. The others are looking at him, cautiously waiting for him to start eating. When Jun finally eats one sushi and exclaims “Oh, this is really good!” everyone visibly relaxes and lets out sighs of relief.

This is overkill, but Jun knows his friends mean well.

Today was Pee-chan and her kittens’ last day with Jun. They all got adopted – Pee-chan and Satoko-chan together in one house, while Sho-chan, Kazu-chan and Masa-chan will be staying in another household.

Jun said goodbye to them one by one. The kittens were only a little wary of the new people who were petting them but eventually warmed up to them. Pee-chan on the other hand clung to Jun, jumped out of her new owner’s arms to make her way between Jun’s legs and pushed her head under Jun’s hands. Jun’s heart broke and it took him significant self-control not to bawl his eyes out in front of strangers. The new owner was very kind and patient and waited until Pee-chan was comfortable enough to enter her new carrier.

So tonight, seated around Nino’s kotatsu, he’d like to think of this as celebration for a successful adoption day. But Jun swears he will never ever foster again. The next time he takes care of an animal, it’s for keeps.

“We’re so glad you’re feeling better, Jun-chan. You really looked so sad when we picked you up from your place,” Aiba says.

This doesn’t really surprise Jun. He really tries hard but it seems like his emotions always show on his face. He looks around and truly appreciates having friends who will go out of their way to comfort him. There’s food, there’s beer, there’s tea because Jun insists, there’s video games. And there are his friends.

Jun feels something warm on his lap and sees Satoshi’s head pillowed there, hair messy like he’s combed his fingers there one too many times. He is snoring softly, with his mouth slightly open, puffing warm air against Jun’s thigh.

Jun softly caresses Satoshi’s hair away from his face, trying to find the small mole on his forehead in the dimmed light of the room. Jun knows exactly where to look for it. Next Jun tries to look for the small scar on Satoshi’s cheek. He still hasn’t asked him about that one. Maybe he should, later, when Satoshi wakes up.

They stay in that position for a while, Jun keeping as still as possible to allow Satoshi to sleep just a little while longer. Jun knows Satoshi has been working late the past few weeks. His exhibit will be around the first quarter next year and he’s been trying to finish some paintings. There are days when Satoshi’s only break is when he goes to Jun’s store for a snack, then goes back to his studio again to paint.

Jun now understands why he comes into the store looking like he’s about to take a summer stroll in the middle of winter. Satoshi just gets up from his stool, walks out the studio door and makes his way to his afternoon snack. Jun has learned to stop scolding Satoshi about his clothes after it happens one too many times. He just keeps an extra sweater or blanket ready for Satoshi.

Satoshi slowly opens his eyes, blinking the sleep away and looks up at Jun to give him a warm smile before curling closer to Jun, moving his head to bury it against Jun’s stomach.

Jun hears murmuring around him and blushes when he realizes what just happened and where they are. Satoshi would often lay his head down on Jun’s lap when he reads to him and this right now just feels so natural to Jun that he actually forgets about the three other people in the room.

When he looks up, Nino and Aiba have matching grins on their faces and Sakurai is smiling softly at them. Jun feels his face become warmer and covers it with his palms but otherwise doesn’t move lest he disturbs Satoshi.

After a few more giggles from Aiba and Nino, they resume their drinking and chatting, keeping their voices low. And when it is time to go, Jun slowly rouses Satoshi with soft strokes on his back.

Satoshi gracefully uncurls himself and then stretches. “Did you have fun, Jun-kun?” Satoshi asks.

“Yep, I sure, did.” Jun says.

“We did, too, Oh-chan!” Aiba exclaims and Satoshi answers with “That’s great Aiba-chan” at the same time that Nino says, “He’s not asking you, Masaki.”

“I had fun, too, Satoshi-kun!” Sho exclaims in an uncharacteristic loud voice, obviously tipsy.

Satoshi laughs at the three’s shenanigans and lets Jun help him up from the floor, their hands clasped. And they remain that way as they walk towards Satoshi’s building, and as they ride the elevator to his floor.

“Can I draw you? Tonight?”

They are outside of Satoshi’s doorway, both of them cold from the winter chill outside. It’s late and Jun knows that tonight is different from the other nights that he posed for Satoshi.

And Jun still finds himself saying “Yes.”

It starts similar to the three other times he posed for Satoshi – Jun changes his clothes and sits in the way he is directed, Satoshi prepares his charcoals and pencils, they start and Satoshi’s persona completely changes.

“It’s done.”

Jun slowly emerges from his own trance, slowly getting up and walking towards Satoshi. He stops just before the large sketch paper in front of Satoshi. Not once had Jun ventured to look at it before. Satoshi never told him not to but he didn’t invite him to do so, either.

Jun doesn’t realize how nervous he is until he is standing right beside it, just a turn of his head and he’ll be able to see the version of Jun through Satoshi’s eyes.

Jun waits for Satoshi to say more but he doesn’t, and when their eyes meet, Jun sees his nervousness mirrored there. Jun can see how Satoshi is trying to mask a slight shaking of his hands by wiping them with a wet cloth, cleaning away the stains from his pencils.

Jun steels his resolve and turns and what he sees there takes his breath away.

It’s his face, his eyes, his nose, his mouth, his body, his build. It’s him. But different. His eyes seem brighter, his mouth seem fuller, and his build wider, yet leaner. The body appears to exude confidence, yet the face is staring back at Jun with the gentlest expression.

Jun moves in closer slowly and he sees the details of Satoshi’s work. The lights and shadows, the short and the long strokes, the tilt of Jun’s eyes, the stray hair on his forehead, the mole under his lip, the buds of his nipples, the tone of his abdomen, the bulk of his groin, the stretch of his legs.

“It’s me,” Jun says.

“Yes, it’s you.”

“But different,” Jun adds, hands poised to touch the paper, but he pulls back.

“Jun,” Satoshi calls Jun softly and he turns his head back to see Satoshi standing close, eyes focused on him.

Satoshi stays quiet but Jun knows he’s just taking his time, and so Jun waits for him. For Satoshi, he will be patient.

“Can I kiss you, now?” Satoshi says and Jun smiles. He takes a step closer to Satoshi and whispers a soft “Yes” before capturing Satoshi’s mouth. Satoshi abandons himself into the kiss, long fingers on Jun’s skin, caressing and gripping. A soft pinch of his nipple makes Jun break the kiss in a moan and Satoshi takes advantage by kissing his skin, anywhere that his mouth and tongue can reach.

“Satoshi, not fair,” Jun whimpers, as he tugs Satoshi’s shirt up. Satoshi breaks his mouth’s hold on Jun’s bare shoulder and smiles proudly at the red mark he left there.

Jun tuts and impatiently pulls Satoshi’s attention back to a major problem. “Satoshi, your shirt is in the way,” Jun insists, lightly yanking the offending material up. Satoshi obliges and raises his hands so that Jun can take it off him.

When Satoshi is bare, Jun reaches out a tentative hand to trace Satoshi’s skin – the defined muscles of his abdomen, to the toned slight bulk of his shoulders and back, to the dip of his lower back. Jun grins at the gradient of skin color, from Satoshi’s tanned face to the paleness of his torso, emphasizing the dark buds of his nipples, taunting Jun. And when Jun gives in to pinch them, Jun is treated to a wonderful sight.

Satoshi moans and arches his back, pushing his chest out, head tilted back, eyes closed and mouth open in pleasure. “So you are sensitive here, Satoshi?” Jun whispers, increasing the pressure of his fingers, which earns him a louder moan from Satoshi, loud enough that it echoes in the room.

Jun’s patience snaps and he pulls Satoshi in for a deep and long kiss, their hands everywhere, pulling, yanking, touching and clawing. They somehow make it to Satoshi’s living room where Satoshi tries to pull him to his couch, but Jun pushes them to the bedroom.

“But I never use my bedroom,” is the only comment Jun allows Satoshi to make before he shuts him up with his mouth and tongue.

When they are both naked, they take their time, letting their senses take over. Jun lets his tongue and hands work together, and watches with satisfaction as Satoshi falls apart in pleasure, Jun’s name like a mantra on his lips.

“Come here, Jun,” Satoshi whispers when he comes down from his high. Jun obliges and allows Satoshi to have his way with his body – letting Satoshi explore him, touch him, taste him, and stretch him. “You blush everywhere, Jun,” Satoshi whispers and Jun whimpers in a mix of pleasure and annoyance. Yes he blushes everywhere, but he wants Satoshi to just…move.

When Satoshi poses over him, only staring, their bodies barely touching Jun hears himself say “Satoshi,” a plea and a demand, the desire for touch and release taking over his senses.

“Yes, Jun?” Satohsi answers, and he’s still hovering. Jun tuts at Satoshi’s remarkable control but Jun can see the rapid breathing, the dilated pupils and the barely restrained tension in his muscles. He wants Satoshi on him, in him, and to just be all over him.

Jun arches his back, groaning a shaky “Please, Satoshi.” And that is all it takes before Satoshi gives in.

They touch and rub where their bodies meet, their movements synchronized, their moans and whispers complementing each other And when it all becomes too much, Jun allows himself to fall apart, basking in all the sensations inside and outside of him, abandoning everything else but the wonderful feeling of being with Satoshi.

And if Jun has lost count of the number of times he called Satoshi’s name, he doesn’t care, because he’s sure he heard his name from Satoshi’s mouth just as much. And when Satoshi plops himself on top of him, Jun doesn’t mind that they are sweaty and sticky. He enjoys Satoshi’s weight on him and the tiny satisfied sounds he makes when Jun rubs his back.

But eventually, they have to move, for which Satoshi is not pleased. He clings stubbornly and demands more kisses from Jun before he agrees to a bath, which they take together. They touch and stroke as much as they kiss and taste each other. And Jun discovers how much he loves the sounds Satoshi makes and the way they echo within the tiled walls. And Satoshi’s varying versions of “Please, Jun” is enough compensation for the few scratches on Jun’s back and thighs. Jun has decided that Satoshi’s nails may be one of his favorite things ever. When they do manage to clean themselves up, it is almost dawn.

When Jun’s alarm sounds three hours later, he almost throws his phone across the room, had it not been for Satoshi laying almost completely on top of him. He is barely able to reach over Satoshi’s bedside table to shut off his phone’s incessant chiming. And when Jun tries to disentangle the arms and legs on top of him, Satoshi ends up clinging closer, incomprehensible sounds coming out of his lips.

“You have to let me get up, Satoshi,” Jun says in a hoarse whisper.

“Just another minute,” Satoshi says, burying his head deeper into Jun’s armpit. It tickles Jun and makes him mildly conscious of where Satoshi’s face is. But after everything they did last night, Jun supposes Satoshi has pretty much been to all of his crevices, his armpit’s the least of his concerns.

Memories of the night before flash before Jun’s eyes and it makes him blush. There are things he’s done and things that he’s allowed others to do to him before. And last night was supposed to be not much different from his other experiences. However, for some reason, with Satoshi, the sensations are more intense, the entire experience making Jun feel more bare and exposed, and Jun doesn’t think he’s been that turned on in a very long time.

“Good morning, Jun.” Satoshi makes himself impossibly closer to Jun and smiles when he finds his perfect position.

“Good morning, Satoshi.” Jun reaches a hand to Satoshi’s face, tracing his straight nose, and the bow of his lips and the sleep creases on his cheeks. Satoshi smiles at Jun’s touch and hums contently.

“You’re beautiful,” Jun whispers.

It takes Satoshi by surprise and Jun sees the flush at the tips of his ears. Jun giggles softly the same time Satoshi’s stomach grumbles and they both laugh.

They take their time getting up, enjoying the soft morning glow and the warmth under the comforters. Satoshi twists and stretches and curls and then lays motionless for a few minutes before dragging himself off to the toilet. Like a cat, Jun thinks. Like a reluctant lazy cat forced to get up from his nap.

Jun, on the other hand, shuffles and drags and grumbles and scowls, and curses, even at the tiny crack on the floor when his slipper gets caught on it. Jun makes himself comfortable in Satoshi’s kitchen, preparing coffee, toast and scrambled eggs. Satoshi murmured something about omurice but Jun doesn’t have the patience, or the coordination, for that first thing in the morning. So Satoshi has to settle for his version of eggs.

A warm pair of arms snakes its way around Jun’s torso from behind, followed by a soft “what’s for breakfast?”

Jun hums in answer as he pours coffee in a couple of odd-shaped mugs – one with what looks like a lop-sided panda face and the other with a drawing of a hairy cow and a small mushroom. Jun gets the cow and hands over the panda to Satoshi.

They are in the middle of breakfast when the doorbell rings. Satoshi only says “Ah. Sho-chan is here.”

Jun almost chokes on his coffee.

“Come in Sho-chan!” Satoshi raises his voice and soon Jun hears the jingle of keys and the click of the door.

“Satoshi-kun, we…” Sakurai stops mid-sentence, his briefcase making a soft thud against the floor.

“Eeeeeee~ Satoshi-kun!” Sakurai trains his eyes on Satoshi. “You should have told me you were busy and had company and I could’ve waited for you at the meeting place now I’ve disturbed you and you’re having breakfast here together and Matsujun is wearing your shirt and ooohhh, I see.”

Jun feels only slightly embarrassed but mostly sorry for Sakurai for having to feel this awkward. Sakurai is already picking up his case and saying his goodbyes, telling Satoshi that he’ll call him with his reminders.

“Would you like to join us for breakfast, Sakurai-kun?” Jun offers, already moving to prepare some toast and eggs for him. There is no escaping the inevitable and Jun decides that he might as well take control of how he wants his and Satoshi’s friends to know about the two of them.

“Sit here, Sho-chan,” Satoshi points to the unoccupied chair beside him. “Just wait and see, Jun’s scrambled eggs are really good!”

Sakurai stares dumbfounded at Satoshi before slowly sitting down as if he is finding the whole situation unbelievable. When Jun sits down opposite them after serving Sakurai’s breakfast, he can see that Sakurai is already stuffing his cheeks, eyes cast down as if avoiding any of their looks.

“It’s okay Sakurai-kun,” Jun says. “This awkwardness is totally not your fault.”

Sakurai looks at Jun and then at Satoshi who is happily chewing through his toast. Jun knows Sakurai can see the red-purple marks on his and Satoshi’s neck and there’s really nothing Jun can do about it. Jun can only imagine the things going through Sakurai’s head but it doesn’t really matter. Last night happened and here they are this morning.

“Thanks, Matsumoto-kun,” is Sakurai’s reply.

Just then Satoshi’s gaze meets Jun’s and despite the relaxed feeling that Satoshi gives off, Jun can see the look in his eyes, as if he’s asking “Is this okay?”

Jun gives Satoshi a small lop-sided smile, as if to say, “Yes.” A switch seems to have been pushed and the conversation flows between the three of them. Sakurai gives Satoshi some reminders about his schedule for the week – a meeting here, a venue first look there, a visit to the exhibit sponsors and a dinner Satoshi doesn’t want anything to do with.

Jun leaves ahead of them, needing to go back to his apartment before going to the store. Jun knows Sakurai has been dying to ask Satoshi but has been restraining himself, and that he will appreciate the alone time with Satoshi.

Jun makes it just in time for opening of the store, thankful that Aiba was able to come in earlier to set-up everything and make preparations for the day. As the morning crowd starts to come in, Aiba hands Jun a checkered scarf, whispering, “It doesn’t bother me, and it’s nobody’s business but yours, but the customers might stare and ask questions, so.... Only if you want to wear it, Jun-chan.” Jun understands what Aiba means and promptly wears it around his neck, thankful that it isn’t out of place in this season.

He mouths a soft ‘Thank you’ to Aiba and he knows that his friend would corner him later to interrogate him. 

He knows the moment Aiba tells Nino because Jun’s Line notification is suddenly making a ruckus inside his pocket. Jun ignores it until it was just him and Aiba inside the store, and he is welcomed with close to a hundred messages from Nino. It starts with coherent sentences demanding answers, and then stickers and then partial words and eventually deteriorates to sets of punctuation marks and numbers. All sent in the span of ten minutes. Jun laughs out loud and Aiba must have known the reason because he chuckles with him.

Last night was incredible and Jun still feels warm all over whenever he thinks about it. He doesn’t know how much their relationship will change, or if it will stay the same. And when Jun sees Satoshi walking in the store wearing only slippers, sweat pants and shirt with ‘Nancy’ written on it, Jun can’t help feeling just a little bit possessive of Satoshi.

“It’s cold, today,” Satoshi says calmly as he sits in his usual spot.

“We need to take out your winter clothes from wherever they are stored, Satoshi-kun,” Jun answers with a sigh as he hands over both the sweater and the blanket. The weather forecast says snow in the evening and it must be already freezing temperature outside.

“Hmmm, I wonder if I still have them…” Satoshi says looking cozy and small inside the blanket.

“How can you not have them?” Jun asks in awe.

“It’s been a while since I’ve stayed in Tokyo for winter,” is what Satoshi answer.

“What do you mean?”

“I usually go somewhere warmer this time of the year. Last year I stayed in Okinawa until the start of spring. And then the year before that, I went fishing in Thailand.”

Jun looks at Satoshi strangely and then just shakes his head, amazed. “You’re really something else.” Then a thought hits him. “Is that why you only draw the roses during autumn?”

Satoshi smiles through his cup of warm tea and makes a small nod.

“And spring? Summer? What do you do then?” Jun asks, seating himself on the opposite side of the counter in front of Satoshi.

Satoshi takes his time in answering, savoring the matcha daifuku Jun has prepared for him. “I draw and paint and fish. Ibaraki has pretty fields of flowers during spring. And the mountains are cool during summer. But I come and go and mostly stay in Tokyo, or else Sho-chan will fire me.”

“How can Sakurai-kun fire you? Isn’t it the other way around?”

Satoshi pouts thoughtfully. “No, it goes both ways,” he declares.

Satoshi doodles on his notebook the rest of the afternoon with a few naps in between. When Nino arrives, he runs up to Satoshi and examines him from head to foot, eyes widening when he sees the state of Satoshi’s neck and then goes over to Jun, standing a few inches away only to pull off the scarf around Jun’s neck with a sharp yank.

“Ouch!”

“Shut up, Jun and let me see.” Nino tuts, rolls his eyes and stomps away.

“You owe me ten thousand yen, Nino,” Aiba says from behind Jun, and Nino tuts again before sulking beside Satoshi.

“I can’t believe I lost the bet,” Nino huffs.

“You had a bet?” Jun asks. Nino nods.

“About me and Satoshi-kun?” Another nod.

“And?”

“You cost me money, Jun-pon! I can’t believe you two waited this long to have sex!”

Satoshi finds this very funny and starts to laugh, making Nino pout some more.

“Does masturbating count?” Satoshi asks and Jun fights the urge to pull his hair.

“Ahhh, while thinking about the other person? Hmmmm… I see what you mean. But we didn’t take that into consideration so I suppose it doesn’t count,” Nino answers thoughtfully. “I should have thought about that but it’s harder to confirm. I mean I can’t just start asking you or Jun if you’ve pleasured yourself recently with thoughts of each other.”

Nino turns to Jun. “Have you?”

Jun drops his head on the countertop with a soft thud and stays there until the laughter from Nino and Satoshi subsides. From the kitchen Jun can hear Aiba’s breathy laugh and for the nth time in his life, Jun wonders why he has these two for friends.

 

 

### (201) I hope that a bird never, ever, ever does its business on you. *

   
Jun wakes up to a soft prodding on his bare shoulder. He slowly opens one eye and groans in complaint upon seeing Satoshi sitting up beside him. The bedside clock says 4:45 am and Jun complains louder.

“Happy New Year, Jun,” Satoshi exclaims softly, his eyes looking too awake for this hour.

“Hmmm. Happy New Year. Satoshi, what’s going on?” Jun asks, concerned that something’s up. Why else would Satoshi wake him up this early on a holiday?

“I need to tell you something important.”

“Satoshi?”

“You don’t have to say anything or answer if you don’t want to, but I’ve been wanting to tell you.”

Jun slowly sits up and can’t help but smile when he sees Satoshi sitting in seiza position, naked, his round butt cheeks touching the soles of his feet and his flaccid penis resting on his thigh. It’s ridiculous but Satoshi somehow makes it work.

“Jun, I love you,” Satoshi says. He crawls over to Jun and gives him a peck on the tip of his nose. And then goes back to his seiza position, bows deeply, bending at his waist, forehead almost touching the bed. Then he straightens gracefully, like he’s practiced doing so a hundred times.

There is a pregnant pause, Satoshi patiently sitting there, watching the changing expressions on Jun’s face. And Jun knows there must be a lot going on there because his heart is doing somersaults and it’s not stopping any time soon.

Jun tries to get words out of his throat but he can’t find his voice. Satoshi has hi-jacked his system and now everything is going haywire.

 _Jun, I love you._ Jun had always pegged that he would be the first to say it. He’s already figured out that he loves Satoshi the first time he slept with him.

“It’s not because you need to answer, although that would be nice, too,” Satoshi starts again. “It’s selfish actually because I just wanted to tell you. It’s been giving me constipation the past weeks and I needed to say it out loud.” 

Jun never knew that loving someone can give you constipation. Satoshi has such interesting view of things is what Jun wants to say at the moment but he doesn’t. Wouldn’t it be weird if he hones in on that instead of Satoshi’s declaration of love? And so he waits, because he knows Satoshi still has more to say.

“So take your time, Jun. I’m not going anywhere.” 

As soon, as he is finished, Satoshi slouches and pulls out his legs from under him one by one.

“Aaaaaaaaah~ I’m so glad I’ve finally said that~” Satoshi’s face is full of relief. He smiles brightly at Jun and then he is crawling his way back under the comforter and promptly pulls Jun back down.

“Let’s sleep some more,” Satoshi says, closing his eyes and keeping his fingers around Jun’s arm.

_Eh?! You’re really not going to wait for me to say anything?_ is what Jun wants to stay but he is too dumbfounded. Jun stays there, watching Satoshi who soon enough starts to breathe more deeply and evenly as he goes into deep sleep.

“What just happened?” Jun asks himself. He’s still reeling from Satoshi’s words. He looks around to make sure that it isn’t a dream. It’s his room, the curtains drawn, a pile of bed sheets and clothes at a corner, remnants of last night’s very satisfying love making.

“You can’t keep doing this to me, Satoshi,” Jun whispers with a sigh. “You have to let me keep up with your pace.”

Jun cards his fingers through Satoshi’s messy hair several times, straightening the stray locks and softly massaging his nape, finally keeping it steady there, until he falls asleep again, Satoshi’s words echoing in his head.  
   
~*~*  
   
When Jun tells Satoshi, he also does it out of selfishness – just because he needed to say it out loud.

It’s a busy month for Satoshi. He’s been trying to finish all the paintings lined up for his exhibit. He roughly has one and a half months left and Satoshi is not even nearly finished. It is in one of those rare moments that Satoshi is actually, visibly, panicking that Jun says it out loud.

It’s near midnight and Satoshi is in the process of gathering his paints from his small storage area to his studio, walking back and forth, the fastest Jun has seen him move around this time of the day.

“I love you, Satoshi.”

Satoshi stops in his tracks, wide-eyed, looking at Jun with his mouth open. Then he drops the tubes of paint and starts bawling his eyes out.

Jun panics and rushes towards Satoshi. _Did I say something wrong? Oh gods, is he that sad to hear me say that? What have I done?!_

“Satoshi…” Jun whispers, running his hands up and down Satoshi’s arm. “Satoshi, I…”

Fresh tears stream down Satoshi’s face.

“I am so happy to hear that, Jun~” More crying.

“I’m sorry I don’t know what’s going on but I can’t stop crying!” Satoshi is rubbing his eyes, but the tears won’t stop. Snot is running down his nose and Satoshi is unsuccessfully sniffing it in. “I am so happy!” Satoshi exclaims.

Jun can’t help but smile at the sight before him. This is a first for Jun and it must also be a first for Satoshi. Jun runs to get tissue papers from the kitchen and comes back to the hallway where Satoshi is still trying, and failing, to contain his emotion.

“Ne~ Satoshi, you shouldn’t scare me like that,” Jun whispers as he tries to wipe the snot from Satoshi’s face. Satoshi simply nods and he looks so young and vulnerable that Jun gets the sudden urge to feed Satoshi.

Jun must have said it out loud because Satoshi is suddenly laughing. “Feed me? Really? That’s what you want to do right now?” Satoshi asks.

Jun smiles and nods. “Yeah, feed you. Come on,” Jun pulls Satoshi towards the kitchen. “We can go clean this up later. I’ll make you some omurice. With extra eggs.”

Satoshi obediently shuffles behind Jun, still sniffing every so often. “How can there be extra eggs if your main ingredient is eggs?” Satoshi asks. “Does that mean we can say ‘extra rice’ when we serve rice? Isn’t it just rice?”

Jun sighs. _Why do you ask the strangest questions?_ Jun chooses not to answer any of Satoshi’s questions. They eat their _munch_ and it seems to energize Satoshi enough that he is able to finish one of his paintings that morning.

And then the exhibit opening comes.

Jun, Nino and Aiba are sharing a cab and Aiba has been fussing over his bow tie, much to Nino’s dismay.

“Stop it, Aiba-shi! You’re not making it any better!”

“Ahhhhh~ I can’t get it straight! Help me, Nino-chan.”

“Tsk. It was already fine earlier. Come closer, here.”

“Why do we have to wear a suit, Jun-chan? I haven’t worn one since my uncle’s funeral.”

Nino slaps Aiba’s shoulder at the same time that Jun laughs. “Because we want to support Satoshi, that’s why,” Jun says, consciously feeling the invitation inside his pocket.

“Oh right, Oh-chan must be nervous, ne?” Aiba says thoughtfully.

“Of course, he is,” Nino says, adjusting his vest. “I really hate all these formal clothes.”

“Quiet down, kids. Don’t make any mess, don’t spill your food and be polite.” Jun says in a serious tone.

“Yes, mom,” came the chorus reply from Nino and Aiba.

Jun chuckles and fixes his own tie as the taxi arrives at the gallery.

Sakurai greets them at the entrance and immediately ushers them to the food table.

“Eh? Is this okay Sho-chan? Shouldn’t you be joining all the important people over there?” Aiba points at the other side of the room where there are some expensive-looking people.

Sakurai keeps the smile plastered on his face but they can see that he is very stressed. “I need some food in my system,” Sakurai says and then stuffs an entire piece of breaded shrimp in his mouth, as Aiba and Nino watch in awe how much food Sakurai can fit in his mouth.

“And I can’t find Satoshi-kun,” there is a subdued panic in Sakurai’s expression. “He’s always hated events like this and he always finds a corner to hide. But I can’t find him this time.” He is now looking at Jun, asking for help.

“I’ll look for him.” Jun takes pity on Sakurai. Jun knows Satoshi won’t expressly leave his own event. And he promised Jun he’ll show him his main piece for the exhibit.

Jun starts moving around the gallery, going his way room by room. This is Satoshi’s biggest exhibit yet, and every room has Satoshi’s work. Jun sees the small clay sculptures in one room. There is one room dedicated to his larger than life Pee-chan painting. Jun stays there for a while, memories of Pee-chan and her kittens flooding in. As Jun moves around the other rooms, Jun can see the signature Ohno Satoshi in the art works – from the detailed to the unusual to the larger than life.

As Jun approaches the last part of the exhibit, the people he meets in the hallway are all giving him weird glances. Like they vaguely recognize Jun from somewhere. And when Jun reaches the exhibit room, he figures out why.

There, in the middle of the wall of the large room is Matsumoto Jun.

He has seen the finished work before, but now, seeing it hung in the middle of this white room, it looks more imposing than what Jun remembers. Jun blushes as he realizes that every single person in the gallery has seen or will see this drawing. Jun suddenly feels naked.

At first, Jun thought that there is just one drawing in the room. But when he looks closer, he sees that all four sides of the room are filled with smaller drawings – all of which are the size of an all too familiar notebook.

The attendant of the room motions Jun to follow an inconspicuous arrow and so Jun starts looking at the drawings hanging from the wall on his left.

All the drawings are dated. The first drawing is from autumn of three years ago and the subject is so familiar Jun wouldn’t have mistaken it for anything else. It is the old Matsumoto’s Sweets and Daifuku shop, drawn from afar, like it was done in a rush. There is a shadow of a man standing inside the shop and Jun gets a nagging feeling.

The next drawings almost show the same thing but the dates are different in each. Jun sees that the drawings become more detailed, like it was made less hurriedly, and the details more distinct, as if the point of view of the artist becomes closer and closer. Jun sees some drawings of rose bushes here and there but it is mostly the shop. And then when Jun reaches the set of drawings from the previous year, the perspective of the drawings changes.

It’s from inside his shop. Jun sees Nino and Aiba in several of the drawings. Jun sees Sakurai in some of them, too. There are several drawings of the five of them, the artist included. 

And Jun. Plenty of Jun. His hands. His profile. His back as he reaches for something from the cabinets. Him and Aiba looking like they are deep in discussion. Jun taking a short nap on the counter. Jun’s smiling face. Jun talking to a customer.

Jun pauses to look up when he reaches the drawing of himself, and somehow, in the context of everything that he’s seen up to now, it suddenly looks different in his eyes. Jun feels something caught in his throat but he swallows it down.

“There’s more after that,” comes a soft voice from behind Jun. Jun knows who exactly it is but he doesn’t think he’ll finish looking at the drawings if he turns his head.

And so Jun continues to the next set of smaller drawings and Jun sees that these are more recent ones. The drawings are not just from the shop. Jun sees Pee-chan in one of them. And several of him with his nose in a book. And some drawings of all five of them with beer and food. Towards the end, Jun sees some drawings that gives a clue to the level of intimacy between the subject and the artist. There is one of Jun sleeping peacefully. And then another of Jun looking down from the point of view of the artist. And then another one of two bodies locked in an embrace. There is one drawing of Jun wrapped in several layers of jackets and blankets and Jun remembers this one from just a few months ago when he had a cold.

The last drawing shows Jun busy in his apartment’s kitchen.

Jun stands there, his eyes moving from one drawing to another. He hears Satoshi approach him and then closes his eyes when he feels Satoshi’s head leaning against his side.

“This is my favorite,” Satoshi points to the drawing of Jun wrapped in layers and layers of blankets.

“Pffft.”

Satoshi chuckles. “You really looked cute like that.” This earns him a soft tap on his chest from Jun.

“So it was never the roses.”

“Hmmm.”

“I always pass by that area. There’s a good art supply I frequent a few blocks up from your store.” Satoshi pauses and slowly links his fingers with Jun.

“Then one weekend, I saw you there. You didn’t exactly look too happy to be there but you were bantering with Nino about something and I thought it was cute.” Jun tightens his grip on Satoshi’s hand.

“I just did a quick sketch and promised to return the following day only to find out that you’re only there during weekends.”

“I was still in culinary school that time. I only had the weekends to help out.”

“Hmmm. But when you started working there every day, I ended up going there every day, too. And autumn is the only time I am most free. So…” Satoshi continues.

They are still standing in front of the last set of drawings when Jun looks at that drawing of his sleeping form. Then, he realizes something.

“Satoshi?”

“Hmmm?”

“I need you to show me the rest of your notebooks.”

“Eh! What!? Why?!” Satoshi’s panicked reply is enough for Jun.

“I believe I need to confiscate some of them.”

“No, you don’t.”

“Really? Then can you promise me that I won’t find any inappropriate drawings there?”

Jun is answered by a lengthy silence and when he looks to his side, Satoshi is blushing with his cheeks puffed out like he’s trying really hard to control his smile.

“Satoshi?”

“They’re for personal use only.”

Jun smiles at this and shakes his head. “You could have warned me, you know. People were kind of looking at me weirdly in the hallway.”

“Then that would have ruined the surprise.”

“True. By the way, Sho-kun has been looking for you. Give the poor man a break.”

“But I don’t want to talk to anyone! They are all weird!” Satoshi leans closer to Jun.

“But you have to.”

“Do I really have to?”

“Yes.” Jun pulls Satoshi towards the doorway.

“Okay.”

“Satoshi?” They are in the hallway and they can hear the buzzing of people at the opposite side of it.

“Hmmm? What is it, Jun?”

Jun doesn’t say anything and just gently lays his lips on Satoshi’s. It is brief and soft and tender, and warm.

When Jun pulls back, Satoshi is smiling at him with a soft look in his eyes.

“Satoshi-kun!!! There you are! I’ve been looking everywhere for you!”

“Hi, Sho-chan,” Satoshi answers.

“It’s not ‘Hi, Sho-chan’!” Sho says as he stops in front of them. He takes Satoshi’s wrist and pulls him along. “Thanks Matsujun!”

Satoshi looks back at Jun with a pitiful look and Jun shoos him away. “I’ll see you later, Satoshi.”

“Sho-chan, do I have to?”

“You promised, Satoshi-kun. Just thirty minutes, I promise.”

Jun chuckles and follows slowly behind Satoshi and Sho, softly humming some familiar tune.

 

 

### (2) I hope you’ve found or will find love.*

   
Jun is startled when he feels a pair of cold feet snake their way between and over his calves, searching for heat.

“You’re cold,” Jun mumbles sleepily without bothering to open his eyes.

“Hmmm? You’re warm,” is the only answer Jun gets before a cold arm snakes its way over his trunk. Then, he feels a pointy chin dig against his shoulder, followed by more scooting until he feels Satoshi plaster himself against his side with a soft “You feel nice.”

Jun smiles despite the slight annoyance for having his sleep disturbed. It’s autumn and Satoshi has been frequently going out to sea this season. He must have had a nice catch this morning.

“You feel nice, too,” he answers sleepily and is rewarded by Satoshi’s lips dropping a soft peck on the exposed skin of his neck.

Jun lets himself settle into the comfort of Satoshi’s warmth and then drifts off to sleep.

 

### (300) I , honestly and truly, hope you’re well.

  

**Author's Note:**

> *Excerpts taken from the book “300 things I hope” by Iain S. Thomas. I imagined that this is one of the books that Jun read for Satoshi in this story in one of those lazy nights that they lounge around Jun’s apartment.


End file.
